So, this blog is going to be shorter than I want, but I simply don’t have the time to give it the time it deserves. But, nonetheless, I must give a short lesson on mind reading. If you are a female, you do not need to read this blog. For male readers only.
OK. If you are a male and you are in a relationship with a woman, I have a quick lesson to give you.
Lesson #1: Women change their minds. Women are always changing their minds. As a matter of fact, women can not stay on topic to save their lives. This is not the real problem, however. The real issue is that the woman will change their mind, but will neglect to tell you. I am not exactly sure why this is, but it is true. To add insult to injury, they will expect their male partner to realize that the mind has been changed and will get angry when the male does not realize it. So, what do you do? Simple. When you find your self in a situation where it is clear to you that the rules have changed; take the following steps:
1. Take two deep breaths
2. Recognize that at some point your woman has changed her mind about something and hence the rules.
3. Take a break. This can be a short break, such as counting to three. Or you can excuse yourself to the bathroom. Or, better yet, run down to the local pub and grab a beer, and then rejoin the conversation. Little known fact, beer makes women easier to understand. You probably thought it was that beer makes women more attractive. Not true, or at least not completely true. Beer turns on the woman-understanding part of your brain. Scientific fact. Look it up. Beer also causes men to say I love you to other men. They are connected.
4. If you had a beer, this step will be much easier, but if not, still possible, but a little more difficult. Try to think about what insecurity, fear, or need of support is at the heart of your woman’s new rule change. If it is insecurity, give her a hug, and no matter what the issue is, tell her that you will always be there for her. If it is fear, look her in the eyes and tell her that everything is going to be alright. If it is support, just listen and give her a big l’ hug and say I got your back.
Here is the crazy part, and if you are a male, you will definitely recognize this as crazy. If you successfully complete step four, it will solve the problem, no matter what the problem is. WHAT!?!?!? That’s right. But I know what you are thinking, Brett, step 4 doesn’t address or solve the problem. You are right. Unfortunately, you are dealing with a species that does not deal in logic, and that was your first mistake.
Is it mind reading? Of course, not, but she will think it is and that is all that matters. Your welcome.
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When someone says, “Hey. How are you doing?” What they are really saying is “Hello”. This is at least true in the US. I don’t know when this happened, but it is true. No one really wants to know how the other person is doing, which is sad. If you don’t believe me, the next time someone asks you how you are doing, actually tell them. And not a one word answer, but give them the details of how you are doing. Watch how quickly their facial expression changes and they change the subject. At least that is what I do. Maybe it’s just me. I’m just sayin …
Race Credit Karma: Brett's Blog 
Unrelated to your current post, but glad you came over to ours to throw down your well said retort. While we disagree, I do appreciate a person who lives by their own creed…and if you only poop in your own home…then you live by your creed. That is praiseworthy.
P.S. I do fart in meetings and in front of customers…I just open up a bit wider so its is silent. I find ways to disguise. Delaying bowel movements is painful and a direct middle finger to your body.
If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it’s just a drunk. If a Negro does, it’s the whole damn Negro race. ~Bill Cosby
That’s what I think of when I read this blog. You’re putting a whole class of people (women) in a basket, saying that they’re not direct (change their minds and don’t tell you), expect you to be a mind reader, and can then be manipulated simply by saying nice things to them. It didn’t sound funny to me.
The heart of racism is the belief that God made a mistake when he made black people. The heart of this blog is that God made a mistake when he made women. Once you accept that God made a mistake, then it’s OK to treat that class of people differently (inferior).
I’m just sayin….
First of all, I am sorry that my blog offended you. I am also sorry that my blog caused you to believe that it was a reflection of who I am or what I believe to be true. The blog was meant to be a joke. A very old joke that is so pervasive in the media, that it would be hard pressed to find a sitcom or “chick” flick that did not play off of these commonly held gender stereotypes. But more importantly, think of your best friend in the world. Seriously, who is your very best friend? Then, one day, someone tells you that your best friend hit a woman. What’s your first reaction? If it were me, it would be disbelief. Why? Because you know your best friend, and one negative story would not destroy your impression of your best friend without serious confirmation.
If the latest blog matches anything that you know about me, we should chat. If you think it is a reflection of my household, we should chat. The only personal part of my life that I blog about is my parenting, and those are meant to be serious. We all have our issues, but believe it or not, I do not blog about mine. Again, I am sorry my blog offended.
PS – I do not agree with your race analogy. I do not find them to be the same issue.
PPS – I am surprised by your use of God’s creation. I think it’s cool, but surprised.
Brett,
Sorry that I didn’t see your reply before I sent my earlier reply this morning. I don’t really understand when you say your blog isn’t a reflection of who you are and what you believe. But I don’t mean to go on about this. I appreciate you and love reading your blog.
Some blogs are more of a reflection than others. Some blogs are a reflection of an aspect of myself. But to say one can truly know me from my blog would be like saying you can know an actor, or a politician.
Hummm, where to start! I’m a follower of your blog and a first time commenter. I’m just saying…. how profoundly disappointed and offened I am by your posting of 8/11!
Yes, I know you said that women did not need to read this weeks blog, but I am sure you knew most of us who follow you would not be deterred. I have to say, I think I learned way more about you in those four trite steps that you gave, than you have obviously learned about women in your 40+years. I have so often appreciated your incredible whit and humor in your writings, but I must say, if there was any such attempt in this weeks posting it fell flat for me.
Did I missing something in my reading? I found no lesson on mind reading…. rather a very patronizing, manipulative, condescending diatribe. It is so hard for me to understand, having read all of your blogs, that a man who so openly professes his faith, who is so rightfully proud of his educational accomplishments, who I want to believe values the respect of his friends, AND hopefully, AND most importantly, desires to be a loving and devoted husband and father would write such a belittling posting about females.
In closing, I don’t think I need to tell you, but I’m hoping a gentle reminder might be helpful, that one reaps what one sews! Words have incredible power to build up or tear down, and I simply do not understand how expressing oneself in such a demeaning and insulting way in regards to women can ever work for good!
Your welcome!
Firstly, thank you for reading my blog. I hope you will continue to do so. I want to apologize for any offense that I may have caused you. It was not my intention to offend anyone.
In reality, you really have not learned much about me from reading this blog, other than that my brand of humor does not 100% match yours, and quite frankly, how could it. My blog does not define me. It would be like believing that Stephen King is a sadistic, murdering psychopath. The blog was meant to be a joke, and an old joke at that. It would not take much effort on TV or in movies to see the gender stereotypes used and laughed at in the media. I am sure not everyone laughs, but they are commonly used jokes for a reason.
And I do believe I will reap what I sow, which is why I am as loving, supportive and respectful of my wife as I possibly can be. The idea that my blog would be a reflection of who I am at home is both wrong and, ironically, offensive.
I do appreciate your comments, and have taken them to heart. I will try to be more careful in the future, but I would hope that you would not seriously believe that you know me from my blog. For that would take years of conversation and breaking bread together. May your day be wonderful and blessed.
Brett, thank you for your apology and for taking the time to respond to my comments. I apologize that you took to heart anything that I said that would imply you are anything but a Godly man and devoted husband.
By no means do I want to start a war of words with you…..but, I would like to
share a thought that I have regarding “knowing someone.” I’m not sure if it’s my age, or my life experiences (having made many moves and started over again in new places) that has me convinenced “that we only know what we know!” That phrase, of course, applies to many things! But when it comes to people, I believe that all we really know about someone, is what they choose to share or reveal about themselves. I realize that your bog does NOT define who you are, but is it “wrong thinking” on my part to think that your writings don’t reflect your morales and values along with your random thoughts?
And, last but not least, lol, Brett you “got me!” An hour after sending my comments, I awoke from a sound sleep to the horror that I had written “sew instead of sow!!” My immediate thought was you might possibly think I had taken poetic license, and that I was witty enough to have inserted a feminine slant of the verb instead of what might be considered male. I stand corrected! I know that the Lord would find no humor, in my attempting to rewrite His devinely inspired Word!
I enjoy looking UP with you!
Anne
Thank you so much. I enjoy receiving comments, especially ones that make me think and force me to evaluate my positions and thoughts. And don’t worry about spelling, God forbid someone go over my blogs with a fine toothed comb. Again, thanks for reading.