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Posts Tagged ‘buffet’

So, you may not believe this, but I know Wisconsin’s Secretary of State, Doug La Follette.  I could call him to have lunch, and he would probably say yes.  You see that thing on the floor?  Yup, that’s a name and I just dropped it.  You see, I love name dropping.  I get to name drop so rarely that any time I get to state a relationship with someone of importance, power, or influence, I jump at the chance.  Trust me, the old adage, “It’s not what you know, but who you know” is about as true as life gets.  And if you drop the right name at the right time, it is amazing what opportunities will open up for you that you never thought possible.

JJ, JT and some boob. Best Super Bowl Halftime EVER!

Depending on the venue will determine what names I am able to drop, and some names are more worthy of dropping than others.  I also never drop a name unless it makes sense to do so, and/or the situation requires it.  I don’t just walk into a room and say, “You know, Janet Jackson was at my high school graduation and heard me sing” – True story.  Now, if someone is telling a story about a famous person that was at their high school graduation, then I now have my ‘in’ to tell my Janet Jackson story.

So, today, when I was given the opportunity to drop a name, I was giddy as a school girl. About a week and half ago, my wife, Leah threw me a surprise birthday party.  Lots of people showed up, I was 95% surprised, and it was very cool.  And although I was not expecting any presents, I got a few.  One present was a gift card to one of my favorite restaurants, Tozinos.  Now it just so happens that the owners of this restaurant are my friends and are the ones that gave me the gift card.  They have several restaurant locations, and I drive close by one of them every weekend when I drop off and pick up my son from his mom.  Unfortunately, when I drive pass this restaurant it is either in the morning before it opens, or mid-afternoon and too early for dinner.  But, everytime I drive by when I am hungry, I almost always stop by to eat.  Today was one of those days.

I had just landed at Chicago O’Hare from Portland, Oregon.  I picked my son up from his mom’s house and was heading home.  I was starving.  I had my gift card in my car and was ready to get some pizza and broccoli salad, one of my favorite items from this restaurant’s buffet.  I handed the cashier my gift card and she attempted to swipe it.  It would not work.  She tried everything and the card would not register on her computer.  She finally told me “This is an invalid card.”  “Are you sure?”  I asked, thinking that this card is from the owner.  She finally said, “Sorry?”  And then she gave me a look as if to say, you got screwed, and said “Who gave you this card?”  “Perfect”, I thought.  I told her, “Who gave it to me?  Who gave it to me?  I will have you know that the very proprietor of this establishment bequeathed that card unto me.  The owners of this restaurant are personal friends of mine, and so you will show me some respect.  I will have you fired unless this matter isn’t resolved post-haste.”  I don’t know if I used those exact words, but it was something along those lines.  The cool thing about this situation was that the woman was clearly nervous, which I thought was awesome.

The woman talked to her supervisor, and then called the corporate office and left a message on my friend’s voicemail.  At this point, I’m thinking, I may have overplayed my “I know the owner” card.  Because at the end of the day, it really wasn’t a big deal.  I texted my friend, and he said that he would get the card fixed, but in the mean time, he gave me something far better than a gift card to a restaurant, he gave me a story.  And I love stories.  It is the gift that keeps on giving.  My son and I finished our meal.  Upon leaving, the cashier wanted to reassure me that she did everything possible to resolve the matter.  I told that she would get to keep her job, for now.  She kissed my ring and then we left.  All in all, the dining experience could not have gone any better.  Hmmm, who knows, maybe I will make a visit to the state capitol.

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My sister used to own a restaurant.  It is a good thing that I never lived anywhere near it.  Even when I visited the restaurant I didn’t expect to pay.  My thought was always, “Don’t you know who I am?  I’m your boss’ brother.  I’m your boss uncle.  I’m your buncle.  So fry me up some shrimp, or I’ll fire your behind!  I’m just sayin …

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So, this month we just celebrated the United States of America’s birthday and you know what I am going to buy the country? A Thigh Master (remember this?).  You know why?  We are too fat.  I know our First Lady is trying to get our kids in better shape, but it may be too late.  We have given up.  Yesterday, I went to a pizza buffet restaurant owned by a friend of mine.  I notice the same thing that I notice every time I go to an all-you-can-eat place, the people are huge.

Don’t get me wrong, I too am heavier than I should be.  I don’t exercise enough, I eat more than I should and my schedule can be extremely wacky.  To top things off, I am often seduced by the quickness and cheapness of McDonald’s.  A McDouble for a buck!  You can’t beat that!  I once posted on Facebook that I was going to rush down and eat the new Double Down at KFC  (http://www.kfc.com/doubledown/).  With pride I gave KFC credit for having an ad campaign as if to say “F#?k it, the country is fat, let’s ride the wave”.  And I went to KFC with the sole intention of ordering and eating a Double Down.  You know what happened?  I saw a big poster board of the sandwich and got to see it in all of its fatty heart clogging glory and couldn’t do it.  I chickened out (pun very much intended).  It just seemed wrong.  So, I lived vicariously through my buddy Corey, who said it is just god awful.  But the latest sandwich has inspired me to write this post.  What could be worse than a sandwich with chicken patties for buns?  How about grilled cheese sandwiches as buns?

That’s right, I give you the Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt (http://www.friendlys.com/whats-new/).  Really?  I mean really?  America, eat a piece of broccoli, grab some fruit, grill a breast of chicken, take a walk, go for a bike ride, GET OFF YOUR BUTT you big fat (insert expletive here!!!)  There, I said it, or at least implied it.  America, you are fat.  Now, I would never vote to make poor choices illegal, but at some point I just might have to walk over to the family of four with two kids under the age of 10 with a total combined family weight of 800 pounds making their fourth trip to the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, and slap the food out of their hands, slap the plates off the table, and then slap the parents.  I am sorry, but if your kid is 5 years old and weighs 100 pounds, you have done something wrong.  Am I blaming parents for childhood obesity?  You damn straight I am.

Now, to my friends, family, and myself, if you are overweight, I only ask one thing…

Don’t give up.  Yeah, it’s a struggle, but the buffets and midnight binges are not helping.  Seek help if necessary, not just a dietician, but maybe a therapist.  Be healthy.  Strive to live a life that is truly best for you and those around you.

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No, my daughter has NOT been born yet.  But the real question is why is everyone crazy when it comes to babies?  My wife looks 11 months pregnant and no one is more aware of that than her, but does that mean that every Teresa, Dina, and Harriet has the right to touch her, ask about her personal business, and retell their every known baby story on how Jane Schmoe also had a difficult pregnancy.  WE DON’T CARE!!!  I want the baby to be born because I am sick of everyone in the neighborhood asking me if the baby has been born yet.  See, this is what I get for talking to people.  I’m just sayin …

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