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Posts Tagged ‘North Carolina’

So, it’s Day 2.  It’s quiet, perhaps too quiet.  I’m safe now, but for how long.  I’m not going to lie, I’m a little scared.  I hear stirring.  I think it’s about to happen.  (creeeeeeek!)  Not yet!  I see it!  It’s awake.  “What’s for breakfast?”  Noooooooooooooo!  The kids are still in the house.  Ugh….

I am not sure if you heard, but there is a virus going around and the kids are home for the foreseeable future.  I have the this morning’s shift before I head to work.  It’s a little crazy out there.  I spent quite a bit of time trying to comfort my department and provide words of wisdom.  I am running out words of wisdom.  At some point, I like many, will want to start acting crazy, but for now, I plan to remain calm.  Don’t panic (roll credits).  It will be alright.

About two weeks ago, my mother-in-law was over to watch the kids, while my wife, my son and I were out of town at hockey tournament.  When I came back she had bought a package of toilet paper from Costco.  At the time, I thought, that is a lot of TP.  Stupid waste of money!  Guess who is stupid now?  I am forever thankful that she made the purchase.  It was not virus related, she bought it because we were running low.  Am I glad she did.  Where would I get toilet paper now if we needed it?  It’s ridiculous!   What’s going on?

Do you realize if everyone behaved normally, we would have everything we needed for everyone?  EVERYONE!! (shout out to The Professional, Natalie Portman’s best movie of her career.  Disagree?  I’ll fight you!)  Show me one announcement of a TP shortage.  One document that states TP production is affected by the Coronavirus.  Nope.  It all because of human panic.  So, don’t panic!

Also, why can’t I get meat at the stores?  Is there a magical meat protection from the virus? People be crazy!  People hoard the weirdest things.  It’s like during threat of snow in North Carolina and all the bread and milk are gone; the two most perishable items in the store.  How does that make any sense?!? So, I have been thinking.  If this was a true zombie apocalypse, what would I hoard?  Here is my top 5 things to hoard list in the event of a zombie apocalypse:

  1.  Rice
  2. Flour
  3. Beans
  4. Seeds
  5. Dog Food

For me rice is easy, especially brown rice.  Rice is easy to store.  Rice last a really long time.  It’s compact, so does not take up much space.  Super easy to cook.  Brown rice has more nutrition than white, so it’s the superior choice.

Flour, similar to rice is easy to store, but not as compact.  However, easy to make edible food with just water.

Beans are highly nutritious and can be stored for a very long time.  Also, easy to prepare.  Seeds of course are for the future and food longevity.  I would probably select seeds of vegetables that grow rather quickly, such as spinach, arugula, green onions and tomatoes (although probably the slowest grower of this group).

And finally, dog food.  We love are dog.  Also great for protection if necessary.  Dog food lasts a really long time if stored probably and can be used for human food consumption in a pinch.


Speaking of zombies.  How do zombies work?  Muscles require ATP or they experience rigor mortis.  What’s producing ATP in a zombie?  Cells are dead.  It’s basic physiology! Oh well, but if there ever is a true zombie apocalypse, we are moving to Montana.  It get cold.  Zombies can’t move through snow well or handle difficult terrain.  Finally, the gun to person ratio is through the roof!  I’m just sayin’ …

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Another quick blog.  If you read grammatical or spelling errors, shut yo’ pie hole!  I don’t want hear it.  Just read and enjoy.

I hate running (roll credits).  Do you know runners?  Runners love running.  You have probably heard about the runner’s “high”, the adrenaline rush, or just the dopamine pleasure center being stimulated.  Maybe it’s true, but for me it’s hogwash.  That’s right, I said it, HOGWASH!  Man do I hate running.  So, why do I run?  Because I said I would.

I have a weird personality in the sense that if I say I am going to do something, I am going to do it.  I treat everyone this way.  If you want to piss me off, than say you are going to do something, regardless of how small, and then don’t do it.  (side note:  Did you know that “piss” is one of the words that you can’t say on radio and I think TV.  Google George Carlin’s 7 words you can’t say on TV, hilarious).  Anyhoo, I made a promise to my self that I would run a 5K.  I feel like everyone should be able to run five kilometers.  Seems reasonable, right?  So, I promised that I would try a new app, called C25K.  I did make one caveat, if my asthma kicks up or my knee acts up, as they are both prone to do, I would come up with plan B, maybe biking (which I enjoy).  Guess what?  Neither has happened.  Damn it!  Insert Carlin’s seven words here.

Everyone told me that once I improved my running, I would start enjoying it.  WRONG!  The crazy thing is, the app is working.  I am about to complete week six of the eight week program.  Granted, I often repeat weeks, but nonetheless, I would recommend the app.  I am theoretically two weeks away from running five kilometers.  And then what?  Because I hate the running.  Knowing me, I will download an app to run 10K.  Why? Because I’m an idiot.

I hate the fact that I run slow.  I hate sweating, which is stupid, because I sweat a lot.  I always have, and I have always hated my sweating.  So, basically, the longer I run, the more negative things I say about myself.  Seriously, if you could be in my head as sweat drips off my body like Niagara Falls, you would think I was talking to Hitler.  I hate the fact that I don’t have asthma attacks.  I just keep breathing.  I hate the fact that despite the fact that I am tired and feel like my body is going to collapse, if I just keep running, my body keeps running.  Stupid body!

Here is what I do like about running.  I like the trail.  North Carolina has Greenways which I think are awesome.  I like the surprising amount of wildlife, deer, butterflies, frogs, millipedes, snails, red-tail and sharp-shinned hawks, tree squirrels, and diverse human beings.  There is a group of women from India that I see all the time.  Every time, they remind me of my friends, Vic and Daisy.  I haven’t decided if that is racist or not.  I’m going to chalk it up to missing some really good friends.  A group of old black and white women, a group of old black women, a group of old white women, couples of various racial combinations and people walking their dogs.  It’s silly, but I love it!  It all distracts me from the thing that I hate, my running.

But I will continue.  Because I said I would.  And I will be excited when I finally run my first 5K.  Maybe my next goal will be, “Is it really so bad to weigh 400 pounds?  Let’s find out.  Because I said I would.”

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