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Archive for May 31st, 2011

I LOVE Golf!

I love golf.  If I could play golf every day I would.  If golf was a woman, I would have a love child with her and name her Eagle.  If the child was a boy, the name Eagle would be brave and majestic.  If a girl, the name Eagle would be a symbol of courage and how she will fly above the fray.  Regardless, the child would be named Eagle, because Birdie or Par would be ridiculous.

Unfortunately, I can’t play golf everyday.  The problem is I have a wife and three kids, golf also costs money, and finally, it gets rather depressing to golf by myself all the time.  The interesting thing is I play golf by myself all the time.  It’s not because I want to, it is that unfortunately, I do not have many friends, and the few friends that I have that do play golf do not have the same flexible schedule that I do, especially in the summer.  So, what do I do?  I play golf by myself.  Now if you know me, the idea of playing golf by myself is no shocker.  I do not fear taking a dip in Lake Me.  What will surprise you is how often I will go to a busy course knowing that they will add me to another person or group.

That’s right, I have no problem playing golf with strangers.  If you are reading this and you have known me for more than 10 years, the previous sentence has just shocked you.  I LOVE golf.  I have even invited strangers to play golf at a future time.  I have asked for phone numbers, I have given my number, I have made future golf dates, I have put my self out there.  When my hatred of strangers gets in a fight with my love of golf, golf always wins.  As my buddy Terrence once said to me, “I am the friendliest non-friendly person he knows.”  I don’t like people.

The sad part is, I have yet to get a steady golf ‘boyfriend’.  If you are a single reader and you are on the dating scene, God help you.  Last year, I played golf with this guy name Brian.  His cell number is still in my phone.  After a round, I gave him my card and made a date to play another round on a future day.  We agreed upon the day and time.  When I arrived at the golf course he was not there.  I waited in the clubhouse and many thoughts went through my mind:  “Is he going to show?  He is probably laughing at me right now and telling his friends about that idiot that asked him out on a golf date.  Should I go home, or should I play a round by myself, again?”  He was late, but he showed up.  We had a great time.  Or I so I thought.  I texted him a few times after that outing and he could never get together again.  It was near the end of golf season and he was heading back to work, so he suggested we start up again next season.  I wasn’t sure if he was blowing me off or not, but the season was over anyway, and I thought nothing of it.  I thought maybe I said something, or did something to offend him.  I thought we had a great time.  Maybe I am not his type.  I would love to say that I a making all of this up, but I can’t.  There is not a single lie nor embellishment in this blog.  It gets worse.

During the winter, at our local YMCA, I saw him again.  I wasn’t sure if it was him, so I said nothing, and he said nothing to me.  Later, I approached him and said, “Hey Brian, is that you?”  It was super weird.  It was like running into an ex that dumped you.  AWKWARD (sing songy).  We had a brief conversation and that was the last time I saw him.  We are in a new golf season, and I am not sure if I will call him.  Is this what it is like to be dating and wonder if you are going to call someone or not?  It sucks.  Does this feeling of, “Why doesn’t he like me?” ever go away.  That’s right.  I’m pathetic.  His number is still in my phone.  I need to move on.

The other problem with golf is that I truly believe that if I quit my job, I could play the game professionally.  I hit a drive on Monday that would have made the Golf Channel instant replay.  It would have been a top 10 on ESPN.  It was that good.  I can’t drive like that every time, but the fact that I can do it at all, makes me think I have a shot on the Pro circuit.  If only I had no other responsibilities.

So, if you are waiting for that phone call from that guy or girl that you like, hang in there.  There is definitely someone out there for you.  One day you and I will find our soul mate.  Or at least in my case, my golf partner.  Maybe it will be my wife.  I did buy her a set of clubs for her birthday.  It will either solve my desire for a regular golf partner or end my marriage.  Either way, I would be playing more golf.  That’s what I call a win-win.

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I find it fascinating that humans believe that they are smarter than any other animal on the planet.  Here is an interesting fact of life, dogs, dolphins, apes and birds can learn our human language, but we can’t learn theirs.  I’m just sayin …

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