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Archive for November 24th, 2011

So, I have spent most Thanksgiving holidays at my mom’s house.  I may have missed two over the last 40 years of my life.  So, it is a bit unusual to be home for Thanksgiving.  The real unusual part is that my mom is here now.  She is having Thanksgiving with us this year.  Am I nervous?  Of course I am.

Basically, if you live anywhere near my mom’s house and know my mom, you are expecting to have dinner with my mom.  The fact that she is here as thrown off a lot of people’s lives and stomachs.  She is a very good cook, and people from all around the country can think of a dish right now that would make them drool a little.  Thanksgiving at my mom’s house is pretty basic: It includes, turkey, ham, duck,sometimes ribs, stuffing, mashed potatoes, collared greens, sweet potatoes, homemade mac n cheese, green bean casserole, rolls, and of course can-shaped cranberry sauce.  For dessert, lemon merengue pie, sweet potato pie, sometimes pound cake, and my favorite, apple pie.  Sound like a lot of food?  Well it usually is and it doesn’t matter if five or 50 people show up, she would cook the same amount regardless.

As I put the turkey in the oven this morning, my mom was there.  When I made the stuffing last might, my mom was there.  Going through my mind the whole time was, “Do no harm.”  So, hopefully everything will go OK.  Our meal will be about the same, turkey, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, rolls, and my wife has added a mushroom wild rice dish, which might only be eaten by her.  That might sound harsh, but it is not meant to be a commentary on the quality of the dish, it is just outside my Thanksgiving box.  I will of course eat some and take one for the team.  Again, I think it is a good dish, just not a huge fan of wild rice, it makes me feel like I should be a rabbit rather than a human when I eat it.  What animal eats wild rice?

My mom did make the sweet potato pie and apple pie yesterday, which is good, because to not have her apple pie would be wrong.  So, I am looking forward to the day.  I have two friends coming over later.  We should have a lot of food.  And of course some good football games (for a change).  Hopefully my mom will not have any major problems with my cooking.  If she does say something bad about my turkey, I will just have to lower the thermostat tonight and misplace her extra blankets.  Because is it my house and I pay the bills up in here.  Am I leaving the door open?  Yes, and as a matter of fact, I do live in a barn.  Payback is a bitch.

To all of my family and friends,

Happy Thanksgiving!

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A couple of weeks ago, I saw a mother shopping in Walmart wearing fish net stockings.  Despite the mental image of a mother wearing fish net stocking in Walmart, does anyone look good in fish net stockings?  Have you ever looked at someone wearing fish net stockings and thought, “Classy”.  It is one of the few items of clothing that I am surprised people still wear, outside of Halloween.  Here’s a tip:  Unless you are a prostitute, or make bank deposits in the form of a thousand one-dollar bills, burn the fish net stockings.  You do not look as good or as hot as you think you do.  Trust me.  Burn them now and thank me later, unless you are trying to send the message that your daddy failed.  I’m just sayin …

The only acceptable leg with fish net stockings. Christmas Story, Classic!

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