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So, recently I had an experience with someone where I was asked, very politely, to NOT write about what just happened in my blog.  They did not even want me to change the characters, or pick a different, but similar subject matter to write about, because as they put it, “Even if only you and I knew what the real story was, please don’t write about it in your blog.”  Just in case you are wondering, it was NOT my wife.  The funny thing is, this is not the first time this has happened to me.

When I first started writing this blog, about a year ago, I made it very clear that I wanted my blog to be random, with very little redeeming value.  Most importantly, I wanted to write what was on my mind.  As my friend Corey put it, I had things I wanted to say.  As a reader, I am sure that some of my blogs were good and some were bad, but all of them, for one reason or another were thoughts that for whatever reason entered my head.  Some blogs were written because of an experience, some were truly random thoughts, and some were things that I thought would be funny, but most of my blogs are not written about a specific event or person in my life, with the exception of myself, and to a lesser extent my children, especially my oldest son.  However, even my parenting blogs are more about me, rather than my children.  Nonetheless, I have a series of stories that I could have told, had it not been for my conscious decision to not tell personal stories about other people.

So, when I was asked, once again to not write about a particular event in my blog, it got me thinking:  How many times have people asked me not to write about what just happened?  I don’t know what the actual number is, but at least 20 times.  As far as I know I have kept my promise, although I have a list of stories I wish I could tell.  Maybe I will write all of the stories that I have been asked not to tell, but I just won’t publish them.  Then I will save them in a special file, possibly to be used later, when the time is right.  For example, if someone decides to run for office, or if I need a really big favor.  Is that wrong?  Probably, but I do find the idea of it very funny.  Hey Buddy, remember that time I promised I would not write about that ‘dog incident’?  And you know who you are.  Maybe you wouldn’t mind if I borrowed your car for the weekend.  Or something like that.

I wonder if reporters and columnist have to deal with this kind of thing.  Think about therapists; they must have tons of stories that they can’t tell.  Everyone has skeletons in their closets, but few people actually know where they are hidden.  Some people know where multiple people’s skeletons are hidden, like me.  I am not sure if I like that, but it does give me a sense of power.  Which is kind of cool.  (Insert evil laugh here.)

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Explain to me why people think it is OK to have a conversation in the middle of a hallway or walkway.  Why must I say “Excuse me” or have to weave through your butts to get down the stairs or move through the hallway.  Is there a reason why you can’t respect the passageway and automatically let people by?  And don’t give me that evil look when I make you move, it is the freakin’ stairway!  I’m just sayin …

 

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So, I have been crazy busy in the mountains, but don’t worry, your Brett Blog fix will be coming soon. The next blog will be a back to back double feature. Kind of like Harry Potter, but without the year long wait.

Blog Part I: Already written in my head. Bound to be my new favorite blog about something EVERYONE does.

Blog Part II: A gender biased blog about how women have a problem, and I have the solution.

STAY TUNED!!!

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So, yesterday was my blogiversary (July 6).  Leave it to me to miss it.  To all of you that have been reading my blog, thanks, you are awesome.

I am currently in the mountains with my son doing research on yellow-bellied marmots (Marmota flaviventris).  Look it up.  The new picture on the front page of my blog is a marmot, but a different species, Marmota olympus, the Olympic Marmot.  But of course, I am sure you already knew that.

Brett and I just got back from a long hike.  We went up to 11,000 feet and then walked back for several miles.  The last half mile was in snow.  Yes, you read that correctly, snow.  It took a long time and he did not complain once.  I plan to post pictures soon, but not today.  We will spend the rest of the day in our cabin relaxing as it kicked both of our butts.  When I got back, Brett went to the bathroom in the main office and there was a guy sitting in the lobby of the office.  He asked me if that was my son.  I said yes.  he was very impressed that I was able to get my son to come to the mountains with me.  I told him that the impressive part was that I do not force him to come.  He comes willingly.  The man said that he hopes one day that his son will want to hike the mountains with him, but is concerned that technology and girls will win over father-son time.  He told me I was very lucky.

The conversation with the man in the lobby reminded me of one very simple truth:  I am very lucky.  I love the fact that Brett is with me, and hope he will want to come to the mountains with his old man for many years to come.  Regardless, I plan on enjoying this while I can.

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When I first started this blog, I promised myself I would do it for a year.  I have done it for a year.  I also thought that only my sister would read it, and although she is a fan, I apparently have others as well.  Pretty cool.  My goal for next year?  Less redeeming value.  I’m just sayin …

The following is my first blog on http://www.sincejuniorhigh.com.  Enjoy!

Does the World REALLY Need Another Blog?

Welcome to my first Blog site.  I started out publishing notes on Facebook, and my sister convinced me to start a blog.  So, why am I blogging.  First of all I think I have interesting things to say.  You may disagree, but I don’t really care.  Which brings us to the second reason I am blogging.  I enjoy reading my own thoughts.  So, even if no one ever reads this blog, I plan on enjoying it, and if you do too, bonus buy.

Will this be a site where family and friends can catch up with the comings and goings of my family?  Sometimes, but most of the time I will be writing about random thoughts I have.  For example, why Karate Kid 2010 was not necessary and explaining point by point how it is inferior to the original in almost every way (details for a later blog).

Will you be a better person by being a regular reader of my blog?  Highly unlikely.  Will we solve political and philosophical issues?  I certainly hope not.  This blog is for sheer entertainment value.  I plan to post every Saturday night with random posting when I feel like it.  So, what should my first post be about?  How about the name, “Since Junior High”.

So, several years ago some friends and I spent several hours playing video games at Gameworks in downtown Seattle.  It was a lot of fun.  After we were done with joystick heaven, I proclaimed to my buddies “My wrist hasn’t been this sore since junior high.”  This line has been quoted ever since, and has been officially entered into the Witty Line Hall of Fame.  If all goes well, by reading this blog, you will be exposed to such high quality comedy.  It’s gold!  Gold, Jerry!

Now for my first random thought:

Is it really THAT difficult to put a shopping cart back?  Seriously, have you ever been so far away from a shopping cart stall and said to your self, “I’m beat after walking through that store.  I just can’t walk this empty cart with wheels the 20 feet necessary to put it out of harms way.”  Really?  If this is you, your car deserves to be the target of shopping cart derby.  I’m just sayin…

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So, I have decided that there is no proper way to ask a woman in a grocery store if she is a stripper or not.

I have also decided that strippers do most of their shopping between 4 and 5 and nine times out of ten are dragging a kid in tow.  I can’t prove this (see above), but I believe it to be true.

I went to the nicest Walmart I have ever seen today.  The people were still ghetto.  I am convinced that Walmart has an ugly requirement.  Not a single good-looking person was working there, NOT ONE.

If I sold sweats, especially crushed velvet sweats outside a Walmart, I would make a killing.

Taco Bell was sued this year because it was claimed that their “beef” burritos only contained approximately 35% beef.  Taco Bell responded by stating that their “beef” burritos are actually 88% beef.  I don’t have a problem with their burritos only being 88% beef, what bugs me is the fact that they refuse to tell the American public what the remaining 12% contains.  The only thing they will state are spices.  I haven’t eaten at Taco Bell since, and won’t till I find out what that 12% contains.  I eat hot dogs for Pete’s sake, I’m not picky, I just want to know what it is.

April first is taken seriously in my house.  The trick last year was my son getting my wife to come running in response to him yelling that he broke his leg.  Very funny.  This year, my son brought home a pink slip.  The pink slip stated that he disrespected the lunch ladies.  Leah said to me, “Has Brett talked to you?  It’s not good.”  I gave Brett a stern talking to for a full minute before he broke and said “April Fools!”  My wife began busting out laughing.  Not as funny this year.

I just read an article that surveyed hundreds of business people asking if it was OK for women to cry at work. More men than women said it was OK.  Women stated that crying made the women appear unstable.  This is further evidence that women are vindictive, evil creatures.

Marriage is interesting.  It is clearly religious, yet most people desire to get married, including atheist and non-traditional relationships, such as homosexuals, and this in spite of the obstacles in front of them.  What is it about marriage?  It is clearly more cultural than religious.  It is one of the few traditions that if you do not participate in it could be awkward.  Nonetheless, I wish the best to my buddy, Nick who is marrying a wonderful lady, Laura tomorrow.  Good luck you guys!  No jokes, just best wishes.

My wife is very excited about attending the wedding tomorrow.  She asked me if I was excited.  I said no.  She did not understand why I wasn’t excited for the wedding.  I only had one response, “Cause I’m a guy.”  There better be an open bar.

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Sorry for the long lag between blogs.  If I could blog everyday, I would.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I was defriended, unfriended, removed as a friend from someone’s facebook.  Yes, I know I was going to talk about my near-death experience, but by the time I publish that story it will be anti-climactic, so it is probably for the best.  Besides, this just happened, and I need to write about it.  OK, where was I?  Oh yeah, someone removed me from their friends list.  What’s up with that?

Now, I am not a huge fan of facebook?  I still haven’t seen the movie, although I plan to, but I just don’t go on it very often.  When I do go on my facebook page, it is usually because I got an email that someone said something to me, tagged me, or I had a stupid thought that I wanted to share on the facebook airways.  Granted, even when I have a stupid thought, of which I have many, I still only hand select a few stupid thoughts worthy enough for me to take the time out to log on and litter your brain with my randomness.  This is the main reason I started a blog.  It gives you, the reader, the option of whether or not you want to log on and read what I have to say.  Most of the stuff I see on facebook, I couldn’t care less about.

But, I find facebook useful in one way, and one way only.  There are people in my life and past life that every now and then I would love to see how they are doing.  The few close friends that I have, hopefully are not relying on facebook to know how my life is going.  If that is the case, then I find that sad, partially because I don’t share enough on facebook for you to know anything about me, of course you could always read my blog =).  I hate emoticons, but I use them, and every time I do, I die a little inside, =(.  Actually, there is one other reason; if I ever won a contest to throw a party for me and 100 of my friends, I now have a mechanism to make that happen.  Have you ever heard one of those contests?  I have never entered a contest where the winner gets to throw a party for 10 or more people.  I am just not that popular.  Oh well.

OK, here is what happened.  A person in my past life popped in my head.  I had befriended them long time ago and thought I would look them up to see how they were doing.  THEY WERE NOT ON MY LIST!  What!  I know I didn’t take them off.  They must have done it.  You know what it felt like.  It was like you have decided to break up with your boy/girlfriend, but before you get a chance to break up, they break up with you.  Suddenly  you are talking about how much you love them and can’t live without them, although had they not broken up with you, you would have broken up with them.  That is how I feel right now.  How can I be removed from a friends list?  I’M BRETT WOODS!  Are you kidding me?  But it is so stupid.  I almost never go on facebook, and this unconscionable action probably took place months ago, maybe even more than a year.  That is how much I have no idea about the activity of people on my friends list.  Maybe there are people on my list that are sad that I don’t interact more.  Possible.  Am I going to change?  No.  And yet here I am, Mr. Sad Face.  What are you going to do? 

This may sound like a stupid irrational reaction to you, and it is, but everyone has their thing.  What is yours?  I hate rejection.  I just do.  You might be saying to yourself, but who doesn’t.  I really, really hate it.  Mainly because I expect everything to go my way, but that is another issue.  I will get over this, eventually, but for now, I must live with the fact that everyone does not want to be my friend.  Sad clown =(

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I am at the library right now and there is a woman who is working behind the desk who I think is pretty.  But here is the thing, her beauty is highly depended on her age.  Of course beauty is relative, as I point out in a previous blog, aptly named, Beauty is Relative.  Check out that blog as I discuss additive and subtractive points for different scenarios.  In this case, the librarian gets one point, just by being a librarian.  Hot librarians are rare, and therefore get an automatic point addition by being good-looking.  However, this librarian is unique in that she is 50 years old if she is a day.  So, here is my beauty ranking for her:

If she is 35 years or younger, she is a 3 (no added library point for being below 5)

40 – She is a 4.

45 – She is a 5, plus a point for being a librarian, and gets a final point total of 6.

50 – She is a 6 + 1, for a grand total of 7.

55-60, she is an 8 (7+1).  60-70, brings her up to a 9(8+1).

If she is 70 years old or older, she is a stone cold fox, and receives the coveted 10 ranking with the librarian adjustment.  I’m just sayin …

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