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Posts Tagged ‘emotional’

So, I am not an overly emotional person.   Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a robot, but I just don’t find most emotions all that useful.  The biggest issue I have with them is that they rarely solve problems.  If emotions did solve anything I think I would be in favor of them, but 9 times out of 10 it’s just noise.  Emotions are also rarely planned out.  In other words people generally don’t plan to be angry, or schedule a time to cry, it just comes out, usually uncontrollably.   What’s up with that?  What this means is that most emotions are irrational and without control.  What areas of ones life is it acceptable to be irrational and out of control?  No one would recommend this as a proper way to live, yet millions of people claim that it is OK to be emotional.  They will make statements like, “Sorry I hit your headlights with a bat, but it’s OK, because I am just an emotional person.”

I have written several blogs that discuss things that are culturally acceptable, but have no support in logic or reason.  Emotions, add it to the list.  (Warning: Sexist comment imminent)

Wait for it …

The emotional “problem” is never more evident than in women.  There I said it.  “If momma’s not happy, then nobody is happy.”  Why is this acceptable?  I have an idea, if mommy ain’t happy, how about momma get happy, or if momma ain’t happy, momma goes somewhere and comes back when she is happy, or better yet, if momma ain’t happy, then momma ain’t happy and don’t put that $#*! on everyone else.  Are there emotional men?  Of course there are, but like most stereotypes they are based on number of experiences.  If I told you that there was a couple talking in the park and one of them was crying uncontrollably, but did not tell you who was crying, based on experience who would you guess was doing the crying?  And 9 times out of 10 you’d be right.

My least favorite emotion is anger.  When was the last time you got angry and it made the problem go away, or made you feel better.  Anger almost always makes the person who is angry feel worse as well as the person they are angry with, it is the one emotion that has the most collateral damage.  I also find that most people get angry at things that do not warrant anger.  For example, the plane is late (this is especially true in winter when wings need to be de-iced, or there is a blizzard.  Really?  Are you so concerned about taking off that you are willing to risk death?  Trust me, pay attention, EVERY time you are on a plane that is delayed due to weather, at least one person will complain… guaranteed.  Here are a list of things that I believe it is OK to be angry at:

  1. War
  2. Child abuse (any  negative action toward children as far as I am concerned)
  3. Injustice, including obvious human rights violations (this does not include political rights, such as voting, while sad, not warranted of anger)
  4. Animal and/or nature cruelty
  5. Freedom Violations – this is different from human rights as it includes any situation in which a person is forced to do something that causes harm in which they had no possible recourse to do the contrary
  6. Hugh Jackman (Scrubs reference)

Obviously the above list may not be complete, but I hope you get my point.  I see people get angry at the dumbest things, most of which is inconsequential, irrelevant, and completely a waste of time and energy.  I just wish emotions helped, at least the negative ones.  Obviously laughing, smiling, joy, ecstasy (not the drug) are awesome emotions, but even they can be a problem if not kept under control.  Have you ever met someone who was happy ALL the time.  Yeah, annoying right?  Apple pie is great, at least my mom’s apple pie is great, but apple pie for every meal and every day is not healthy.

Unfortunately we are not Vulcans, we are humans.  As humans we are emotional beings.  At the end of the day, at least for me, it is about control.  Are you in control of your emotions or are they in control of you?  If every time you get emotional, you expect everyone to just understand, then that is a YOU problem.  No one should expect others to bend to their will or change so that you can be happy.  The problem with the saying “If momma ain’t happy then no one is happy” is that it places the burden of solution on everyone, but the person who is not happy.  This brings me to my final point.  At some point we have been taught that when we are not doing well, than it is someone else’s responsibility to fix it.  This is never more evident than in relationships.  Here is a tip for happy and healthy relationships:  Love the other person and take care of your own emotional crap.  Do NOT require the other person to make you happy.  Will they make you happy?  Of course they will, at least I hope so, but as soon as you get mad at them for not fulfilling their supposed responsibility of making you happy, it is the beginning to the end.

One of my most hated phrases is, “You make me angry!”  Here is a fact of life, no one makes you angry.  Anger is choice that you have made as a response to a particular situation.  I am not saying ignore your partner’s problems, but I am saying do not take responsibility for them, unless they are the direct result of something that you did, i.e., left the seat up (although I am not sure why this is such a big deal.  Look. Lower. Sit.  How hard is that?  But I digress).  For example, listening to your partner’s problems is important. 

My sister sent me a chapter from a book called, The Twelve Laws of Life.  The chapter was called “You cannot motivate anyone else.”  The title of the chapter alone made me want to read it.  I will most likely get the rest of the book, because of what I have read so far.  In this chapter, the author writes “In fact, listening alone may be enough to encourage the person to act!”  I love this!  Yes, maybe your partner needs to take action, but you can not force them to.  You can however, encourage and provide an environment that supports change.  Granted, I feel I may be straying from the original topic, so I will end with this:  Emotion is good, but only in control, and although your partner may be emotional, you can’t change them, nor can you “fix” them.  Let their $#*! be their #*!, and your be yours.

Live long and prosper.

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My last blog was on politics.  I hope to rarely if ever write on politics again.  But I ended that blog with a commentary on beauty and how it seems to prevent you from having bad jobs.  My brother pointed out, (in my opinion, rightfully), that beautiful people also are never seen at the bus stop.  Which makes me beg the question: Does poverty reduce beauty? Or are the non-beautiful more likely to be poor?  Or both?  All I know is that if you are a 10, you ain’t ridin’ the bus.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I am married to an emotional being.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to make fun of her or claim that she is some crazy b&#$! or something, because she is not.  I love her to death.  I say that mostly because it is true, and partially because she reads my blog.  She actually doesn’t read my blog regularly, I don’t know why.  She reads it in batches and is never up to date.  For example, recently I told her that I was going to the bathroom and she asked “Because you have to go, or because you need a break from your family?”  At first I was confused by this response, then I realized, wait, that is from my blog (see Everyone Poops …).  So, I clearly need to make sure that what I write here does not get me into trouble.

Ah fuck it!  If I can’t say it here, I shouldn’t say it at all.  Pardon the language, but that is how I feel.  I digress.

As I was saying, my wife is an emotional being.  This is an issue.  It is an issue mainly because I am not.  Now, I am not a robot, but let’s just say that I could vacation on Vulcan and have a good time.  If you have no idea what Vulcan has to do with emotions, than you are a better person than I.  It also most likely means you were having sex in high school, while I was not.  Once again, I digress.  It’s not that I can’t be emotional, it is just that under most scenarios, I do not find emotions helpful.  Let me paint a picture for you of an actual exchange between my wife and I.  Now, this exchange is true in nature, but not true in fact.  In other words, the following conversation has never actually happened, but if you were to exchange the topic for just about anything else, it probably at one time or another has happened in my home:

HER: “Hey Love, can we talk?”

[Note: NO conversation that begins with “Can we talk?” is ever good.  If your wife ever opens up a sentence with “Hey, can we talk?”  “Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen!” cause you are in for a bumpy ride.  If you don’t know where the “…linen” quote is from, again, sex in high school.  It’s called trade-offs.  My point is, as soon as she says “Hey” I know that the next few moments are not going to end well for me.]

ME: “Sure. What’s up?”

HER:  I’m tired.  I am sick of being tired.

ME:  You should try to get more sleep.

HER:  I can’t get more sleep.  I have too much work to do.  Between work, the kids, the house, making food, cleaning … and you, there is not enough time in the day.

ME:  Then you should cut out some of those things so that you don’t have as much work to do.  I could even help out more.

[Note:  Did yo notice that last sentence?  You see I am not an idiot.  I know that my wife works a lot and I can be a pill sometimes.  So, I am offering to help.  I am a great guy! Right?  WRONG! Let’s continue]

HER:  “I can’t just stop doing things!  Those things are important to me.  I do them because they are important to me, my family is important to me.  And because of all the things that need to get done, I am stressed about stuff and I don’t get enough sleep.”

[The following line is a rookie mistake.  I know it every time I say it, but I can’t help myself.]

ME:  Then what do you want from me?

HER:  I just want you to listen!  God!  Why are you such an ass!

ME:  Sorry.  Umm, I hate to change the subject, but do you know where my tool box is?

HER:  It is probably in the garage.  Why?

ME:  Oh no reason, I just need to go drill a hole in my skull.  I am pretty sure it will take me to a better place then the rest of this conversation.

[And scene]

OK, the last part never actually happens, at least not out loud.  So, here is the thing, and I know at least half of my reading audience is thinking “Why can’t you understand?” and the other half is screaming “Preach it brutha!”, but this is a story more about me than her.  You see my wife is an emotional being, but I am a problem solver.  In my mind, I have absolutely no idea how listening to a problem will ever solve a problem.  Just because you name a problem does not make it go away, it’s not Rumpelstiltskin (OK, if you don’t get that reference, then you just need to read more.  That or watch more cartoons).  However, for emotional beings, just talking about a problem makes them feel better.  I will never understand this, but it’s true.

It’s funny, on paper, my wife and I should never work, but we do.  Although I can do without emotions much of my life, they are important to the world and to me.  Much like politics, having extremes can bring things closer to the middle where things belong.  She also just keeps me in check.  She is not afraid to tell me I’m an ass sometimes and that’s a fact.  I’m also a little afraid of her.  A healthy fear, I think, but I am fairly certain that although I am more than twice her size, she would kick my ass in a fight.  I’ve seen her angry.  If you know her you might not believe me, because she is a sweet person, but think Hulk, probably not green Hulk, but gray Hulk (again, high school).

So, to all you emotional beings out there, stay emotional.  But don’t forget, in the long run, problems should never stay problems, they need to be solved.  So, make sure that you keep that problem solver in your life, they serve an important purpose.  And I am learning, as a problem solver, that a hug may not solve the problem, but it will sure make life a lot happier and make life less like high school, if you know what I mean.
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My oldest son had his first karate lesson yesterday.  It was a free trial with him and the instructor.  He gets three more lessons at a reduced rate, then if he wants to continue he will join a group.  During the lesson, he could not contain his excitement.  His entire body was smiling.  It was fun to watch.  I have decided that one of the perks of children is getting reminders of “pure” joy.  It is like the first time you do something you always wanted to do, like riding your bike, your first Christmas, Disneyland or sex, it’s amazing how exciting it is your first time.  Actually, probably not sex, that is more awkward and generally gets better once you know what you are doing, but maybe that’s just me. [awkward pause]  Anyway, it was fun to watch.  Possibly the greatest perk to being a parent is seeing joy in your kids.  Not funny, but true.  I’m just sayin …

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