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Posts Tagged ‘beauty’

So, I was defriended, unfriended, removed as a friend from someone’s facebook.  Yes, I know I was going to talk about my near-death experience, but by the time I publish that story it will be anti-climactic, so it is probably for the best.  Besides, this just happened, and I need to write about it.  OK, where was I?  Oh yeah, someone removed me from their friends list.  What’s up with that?

Now, I am not a huge fan of facebook?  I still haven’t seen the movie, although I plan to, but I just don’t go on it very often.  When I do go on my facebook page, it is usually because I got an email that someone said something to me, tagged me, or I had a stupid thought that I wanted to share on the facebook airways.  Granted, even when I have a stupid thought, of which I have many, I still only hand select a few stupid thoughts worthy enough for me to take the time out to log on and litter your brain with my randomness.  This is the main reason I started a blog.  It gives you, the reader, the option of whether or not you want to log on and read what I have to say.  Most of the stuff I see on facebook, I couldn’t care less about.

But, I find facebook useful in one way, and one way only.  There are people in my life and past life that every now and then I would love to see how they are doing.  The few close friends that I have, hopefully are not relying on facebook to know how my life is going.  If that is the case, then I find that sad, partially because I don’t share enough on facebook for you to know anything about me, of course you could always read my blog =).  I hate emoticons, but I use them, and every time I do, I die a little inside, =(.  Actually, there is one other reason; if I ever won a contest to throw a party for me and 100 of my friends, I now have a mechanism to make that happen.  Have you ever heard one of those contests?  I have never entered a contest where the winner gets to throw a party for 10 or more people.  I am just not that popular.  Oh well.

OK, here is what happened.  A person in my past life popped in my head.  I had befriended them long time ago and thought I would look them up to see how they were doing.  THEY WERE NOT ON MY LIST!  What!  I know I didn’t take them off.  They must have done it.  You know what it felt like.  It was like you have decided to break up with your boy/girlfriend, but before you get a chance to break up, they break up with you.  Suddenly  you are talking about how much you love them and can’t live without them, although had they not broken up with you, you would have broken up with them.  That is how I feel right now.  How can I be removed from a friends list?  I’M BRETT WOODS!  Are you kidding me?  But it is so stupid.  I almost never go on facebook, and this unconscionable action probably took place months ago, maybe even more than a year.  That is how much I have no idea about the activity of people on my friends list.  Maybe there are people on my list that are sad that I don’t interact more.  Possible.  Am I going to change?  No.  And yet here I am, Mr. Sad Face.  What are you going to do? 

This may sound like a stupid irrational reaction to you, and it is, but everyone has their thing.  What is yours?  I hate rejection.  I just do.  You might be saying to yourself, but who doesn’t.  I really, really hate it.  Mainly because I expect everything to go my way, but that is another issue.  I will get over this, eventually, but for now, I must live with the fact that everyone does not want to be my friend.  Sad clown =(

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I am at the library right now and there is a woman who is working behind the desk who I think is pretty.  But here is the thing, her beauty is highly depended on her age.  Of course beauty is relative, as I point out in a previous blog, aptly named, Beauty is Relative.  Check out that blog as I discuss additive and subtractive points for different scenarios.  In this case, the librarian gets one point, just by being a librarian.  Hot librarians are rare, and therefore get an automatic point addition by being good-looking.  However, this librarian is unique in that she is 50 years old if she is a day.  So, here is my beauty ranking for her:

If she is 35 years or younger, she is a 3 (no added library point for being below 5)

40 – She is a 4.

45 – She is a 5, plus a point for being a librarian, and gets a final point total of 6.

50 – She is a 6 + 1, for a grand total of 7.

55-60, she is an 8 (7+1).  60-70, brings her up to a 9(8+1).

If she is 70 years old or older, she is a stone cold fox, and receives the coveted 10 ranking with the librarian adjustment.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I am not an overly emotional person.   Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a robot, but I just don’t find most emotions all that useful.  The biggest issue I have with them is that they rarely solve problems.  If emotions did solve anything I think I would be in favor of them, but 9 times out of 10 it’s just noise.  Emotions are also rarely planned out.  In other words people generally don’t plan to be angry, or schedule a time to cry, it just comes out, usually uncontrollably.   What’s up with that?  What this means is that most emotions are irrational and without control.  What areas of ones life is it acceptable to be irrational and out of control?  No one would recommend this as a proper way to live, yet millions of people claim that it is OK to be emotional.  They will make statements like, “Sorry I hit your headlights with a bat, but it’s OK, because I am just an emotional person.”

I have written several blogs that discuss things that are culturally acceptable, but have no support in logic or reason.  Emotions, add it to the list.  (Warning: Sexist comment imminent)

Wait for it …

The emotional “problem” is never more evident than in women.  There I said it.  “If momma’s not happy, then nobody is happy.”  Why is this acceptable?  I have an idea, if mommy ain’t happy, how about momma get happy, or if momma ain’t happy, momma goes somewhere and comes back when she is happy, or better yet, if momma ain’t happy, then momma ain’t happy and don’t put that $#*! on everyone else.  Are there emotional men?  Of course there are, but like most stereotypes they are based on number of experiences.  If I told you that there was a couple talking in the park and one of them was crying uncontrollably, but did not tell you who was crying, based on experience who would you guess was doing the crying?  And 9 times out of 10 you’d be right.

My least favorite emotion is anger.  When was the last time you got angry and it made the problem go away, or made you feel better.  Anger almost always makes the person who is angry feel worse as well as the person they are angry with, it is the one emotion that has the most collateral damage.  I also find that most people get angry at things that do not warrant anger.  For example, the plane is late (this is especially true in winter when wings need to be de-iced, or there is a blizzard.  Really?  Are you so concerned about taking off that you are willing to risk death?  Trust me, pay attention, EVERY time you are on a plane that is delayed due to weather, at least one person will complain… guaranteed.  Here are a list of things that I believe it is OK to be angry at:

  1. War
  2. Child abuse (any  negative action toward children as far as I am concerned)
  3. Injustice, including obvious human rights violations (this does not include political rights, such as voting, while sad, not warranted of anger)
  4. Animal and/or nature cruelty
  5. Freedom Violations – this is different from human rights as it includes any situation in which a person is forced to do something that causes harm in which they had no possible recourse to do the contrary
  6. Hugh Jackman (Scrubs reference)

Obviously the above list may not be complete, but I hope you get my point.  I see people get angry at the dumbest things, most of which is inconsequential, irrelevant, and completely a waste of time and energy.  I just wish emotions helped, at least the negative ones.  Obviously laughing, smiling, joy, ecstasy (not the drug) are awesome emotions, but even they can be a problem if not kept under control.  Have you ever met someone who was happy ALL the time.  Yeah, annoying right?  Apple pie is great, at least my mom’s apple pie is great, but apple pie for every meal and every day is not healthy.

Unfortunately we are not Vulcans, we are humans.  As humans we are emotional beings.  At the end of the day, at least for me, it is about control.  Are you in control of your emotions or are they in control of you?  If every time you get emotional, you expect everyone to just understand, then that is a YOU problem.  No one should expect others to bend to their will or change so that you can be happy.  The problem with the saying “If momma ain’t happy then no one is happy” is that it places the burden of solution on everyone, but the person who is not happy.  This brings me to my final point.  At some point we have been taught that when we are not doing well, than it is someone else’s responsibility to fix it.  This is never more evident than in relationships.  Here is a tip for happy and healthy relationships:  Love the other person and take care of your own emotional crap.  Do NOT require the other person to make you happy.  Will they make you happy?  Of course they will, at least I hope so, but as soon as you get mad at them for not fulfilling their supposed responsibility of making you happy, it is the beginning to the end.

One of my most hated phrases is, “You make me angry!”  Here is a fact of life, no one makes you angry.  Anger is choice that you have made as a response to a particular situation.  I am not saying ignore your partner’s problems, but I am saying do not take responsibility for them, unless they are the direct result of something that you did, i.e., left the seat up (although I am not sure why this is such a big deal.  Look. Lower. Sit.  How hard is that?  But I digress).  For example, listening to your partner’s problems is important. 

My sister sent me a chapter from a book called, The Twelve Laws of Life.  The chapter was called “You cannot motivate anyone else.”  The title of the chapter alone made me want to read it.  I will most likely get the rest of the book, because of what I have read so far.  In this chapter, the author writes “In fact, listening alone may be enough to encourage the person to act!”  I love this!  Yes, maybe your partner needs to take action, but you can not force them to.  You can however, encourage and provide an environment that supports change.  Granted, I feel I may be straying from the original topic, so I will end with this:  Emotion is good, but only in control, and although your partner may be emotional, you can’t change them, nor can you “fix” them.  Let their $#*! be their #*!, and your be yours.

Live long and prosper.

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My last blog was on politics.  I hope to rarely if ever write on politics again.  But I ended that blog with a commentary on beauty and how it seems to prevent you from having bad jobs.  My brother pointed out, (in my opinion, rightfully), that beautiful people also are never seen at the bus stop.  Which makes me beg the question: Does poverty reduce beauty? Or are the non-beautiful more likely to be poor?  Or both?  All I know is that if you are a 10, you ain’t ridin’ the bus.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I hate to do this, I really do, but I have something to say.  First of all, I hate Fox News, but more on that later.  Unless you live under a rock, you may have noticed that Wisconsin has been in the news lately.  Now, if I were a supporter of conspiracy theories (which I am) I would say that the Governor Walker is trying to destroy unions to eliminate a powerful supporter of the democratic party.  And that he is trying to set precedent for other states to eliminate collective bargaining on his way to create a Republican Super Power or Empire and take away free will from the American people.  I would only say this if I was a conspiracy theorist (which I am).  Why else would he not accept the unions agreement to have employees do EVERYTHING in his bill, accept the loss of collective bargaining?  I’m just sayin.

Am I biased?  Of course I am.  Just the mere fact that I have a PhD, a democrat and an independent thinker makes me biased on this particular issue.  The whole thing is asinine.  Does that make me an elitist?  Probably, and I am OK with that.  Here are the facts:

January 2011 – Walker signs bill providing tax breaks for those with health savings accounts.  This is reduced state revenue, how will it be made up?

January 2011 – Walker signs bill giving tax breaks to businesses that relocate to Wisconsin in their first two years, and is retroactive to Jan. 1, 2011 and would lower state revenue by an estimated $1 million over two years.  Will this be made up by stimulating business? I don’t know.

Are these bills bad?  Depending on your perspective, but my issue is that he has spent the first month in office reducing state revenue and then proposes a bill that increases out-of-pocket expenses of a specific population of Wisconsin while simultaneously attempting to severely reduce collective bargaining.  Also, keep in mind, these cuts to pay proposed in this bill does not even scratch the over 3 billion (yes, that’s billion with a B) deficit for the next budget cycle.

Finally, to why I hate Fox News.  On Fox News, it was stated that Wisconsin Union workers make “89,000 bucks” in salary ($51,000) and benefits ($38,000), while non-union workers make an average of $48,000 ($38K + $10K).  The next night they corrected their previous statement, by stating that it is really $81K for Wisconsin versus $66K for everyone else.

Firstly, I hate inaccurate news! (And no I am not saying that Fox is the only news source that gets things wrong.)  Because no one listens to/hears the correction.  It just fuels the stupid commercials I am seeing that somehow these union workers have gotten over on the system.

Secondly, the comparison is not that simple.  If you believe the first set of numbers (the incorrect ones) you would be inclined to think Wisconsin union employees are receiving an unfare advantage.  You might even think this with the accurate numbers, but even the real numbers would be misleading.  Why? Because education matters.

According to the US Census Bureau, 17% of Wisconsin residents (25 years and older) hold a bachelor’s degree.  A bachelor’s degree is required to be a teacher in Wisconsin.  So, the real question is, does a person with a bachelor’s degree in the public sector make more than the private sector equivalent.  According to the Economic Policy Institute, that answer is no.

So, like most political issues, many people are being misled by inaccuracies or national pundits comparing apples to oranges as they miss much of the crucial details that make comparisons have true meaning.  Now Walker may never raise taxes, which will make a lot of people happy, but when he cuts streams of state revinue (like taxbreaks) where is the money going to come from to cover that loss, if not taxes?  Wisconsin union workers will not have their taxes raised, but they will be paying more next year.  Is there a difference?Sorry for this political rant, but it had to be done.

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Last week I was in Walmart and saw a HOT female employee.  Of course, the first thought had been “Is she really hot, or just ‘Walmart’ hot?”  See “Beauty is Relative” for more detailed explanation. But it got me thinking.  Is beauty really that much of an advantage in the work place.  THink about it.  Think about all the jobs that you would never ever want to have, for example, gas attendant, Walmart employee, fry cook, janitor, or garbage collector.  Now, don’t get me wrong, these jobs are important and if you work in one of these jobs, please forgive me for what I am about to say, but people with these jobs are never good-looking  (See?  Sorry).  You know this is true, because when you see a good-looking garbage collector it will seem weird to you.  The only explanation I could give for the Walmart employee being hot, assuming that she was indeed hot, was that she was foreign and just moved to the country.  That would be the only explanation that would make sense to me.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I was at Walmart the other day and had a recurring thought.  “Why is Walmart so ghetto?”  I mean it doesn’t matter where Walmart is located, I almost guarantee that the people who shop there on average will not look good.  If you have a disease, open sore, facial scar, bullet wound, two-year-old kid in a diaper at 3am in the morning, if it’s clearly laundry day, or if you are dressed for Halloween in June, then you are a Walmart shopper.  Don’t believe me?  Check out http://www.peopleofwalmart.com.

There could be a Walmart in Beverly Hills, and it would still be ghetto.  Now granted, I occasionally shop at Walmart, and I think every time, I have just raised the beauty level of this place a full point.  That’s I right, I just said that.  So, how do we rate beauty?  I love rating beauty.  It may sound cliché, but I almost always look at people and rate them on their looks.  Of course, mostly women, that’s how I roll.  Wrong? Maybe, but fun.  Now, when I rate, I am mostly interested in the global rating and I have discovered that beauty is highly dependent on location.  Beauty varies not only where in the country you are, but the specific place, for example, grocery store or discount store.  I could also talk about countries.  For example, I spent a month in Russia and was shocked how gorgeous the women were there.  I will save that topic for another blog.

As a result of this finding, it is crucial that when rating beauty we must use a handicap system.  I now present the Brett Beauty Handicapping System.  I am from LA, and I must say the most beautiful women in the world reside there, and therefore, they are the standard.  So, if a woman is an LA 10, she is a 10, period.  So, here is a list of beauty location categories (suggestions are always welcome):

Los Angeles/Hollywood :  0

Golf Course :  -1.5

Midwest :  -2.5

New York/East Coast :  -1

The Mall (It doesn’t matter where) :  -2

Walmart :  -3

Here is how this works.  If you play golf, you may have noticed that the cart girl is ALWAYS cute.  I am quite confident that it is a requirement for working at a golf course.  The interesting thing is they are never super cute, just cute enough to say “she was cute” and then move on.  Now, let’s say we saw the golf cart girl and we rated her as a 7.  Consider taking the same golf cart girl to a beach in LA.  Her new rating would be 5.5 in LA (golf course: -1.5).  So, when we see her, you must say she is a golf course 7.  You see how it works?  We could use this anywhere.  Feel free to modify as you see fit.

So, the moral of the story?  Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder, beauty is relative.  If you want to look more attractive, make sure you hang out with people that look worse than you.  Maybe this is why I don’t have any friends.  Yeah, you damn straight, I just said that.

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When a blind person goes to the bathroom and needs to wipe their bottom, how do they know when they are done?  I’m just sayin …

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