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Posts Tagged ‘girls’

So, my son was reading a book online about winter activities.  Keep in mind, we are not those kind of parents.  We don’t have a family where the son is reading a book online and the daughter is in her room playing with dolls.  Of course, at this time, that was exactly what was happening.  Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.  Anyhoo, my son reads a book online, then listens to the program narrator read the book, and then takes a quiz on the book.  I know.  Kind of nerdy, right?  He loves it!  He gets points for books read and quizzes correctly answered.  It is called Raz Kids.  I highly recommend it.  Besides, if you met my son, you would know, he is anything but a nerd, not that there is anything wrong with that.

In the book, the narrator kept referring to building a snow person.  A snow person?  You mean building a snowman?  I am not exactly anti political correctness, but sometimes I think we go a little overboard with being politically correct.  Are people truly offended by the term, snowman?  Are little girls not growing up to their full potential because of the lack of snowwomen examples in their lives?  Give me a freakin’ break!

I believe in gender issues.  I will be the first person to tell you that images on TV and movies are ridiculous.  I hate the fact that any girl clothing I buy for my daughter is pink.  My daughter doesn’t like pink, and that should be OK.  I think it is disappointing that the only images of women on TV are thin blonde, overly ethnic aggressive, or too jolly fat women.  The reality is that people like female stereotypes.  If you don’t believe me, look at the money made by movies in which women are not played as stereotypes, i.e., Princess and the Frog (see previous blog on this subject).  My three-year-old daughter wanted a doll house for Christmas.  The doll house options made me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit.  You know what I got her?  Scratch that.  You know what Santa brought to our house?  My daughter received a Doc McStuffins Clinic.

Best dollhouse EVER!

Best dollhouse EVER!

It looks just like a house, but it is really a doctor’s house with a female black doctor.  You can’t beat that!  My point is that I believe in gender equality, but I refuse to support the term, snow person.  Why?  Because of the simple fact that all snow beings are male.  How do I know?  Snow balls. I rest my case.

 

 

 

 

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Can you imagine if we take this to the next level?  Hey everyone, let’s go outside and have a snow genitals fight!  Talk about a sign of the apocalypse.  I’m just sayin’ …

Then again, maybe they are gender neutral.  Anatomically correct?

Then again, maybe they are gender neutral. Anatomically correct?  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

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So, I am going to attempt to convince you of something that you are most likely going to disagree.  Now, if you didn’t know me, you might think that being right is one of the most important things in my life.  This could not be farther from the truth.  The reality is that I only defend positions that I have given a great deal of consideration and believe with all of my heart are correct positions.  As a matter of fact, I believe in most cases, the few issues that I believe to be correct are so well-supported that most intelligent people would agree with me on those particular issues … until now.

Most people reading this blog are going to disagree with its main point.  But make no mistake when I say this:  I am right.

Pooping in public should be unacceptable.  I have discussed this before in a previous blog, but this time, I have a mission:  Convince the reader to be like me.

Required reading for EVERYONE.

I just completed a month’s stint in the mountains and stayed in a cabin that did not have a bathroom.  I had no choice but to use the common bathhouse for my business.  However, with some luck and careful planning, I almost always had the entire bathroom to myself, except one fateful moment.  After scouting the bathroom and surrounding cabins, I determined that there was a high probability that I would have at least five minutes before any male entered the bathroom.  It also helped that the field station was female biased.  After going through my checklist, I determined it was safe to use the facilities.  After my cleaning the toilet routine, I sat down feeling secure that operation ‘Private Moment” was a go.  And then the unthinkable happened.  Someone entered the bathroom and opened the stall next to mine.  WHAT?!?!  SERIOUSLY? Are you freakin kidding me?  Are you really that comfortable with this that you can do it right next to me?  How is this acceptable?  I may never go to the bathroom again.

In the next few paragraphs I am going to attempt to explain to you with unfailing logic to why our current system of public restrooms should be radically changed.  Specifically, I will address why pooping in public restrooms, as they are currently designed, should not be tolerated.  I know you think I am crazy, but please continue reading with as open of a mind as possible.  The problem is everyone poops.  I get that, but not everyone poops in the same way.  For example, most people fall into one of the following categories:

  • Morning #2 – You take care of business first thing in the morning.  As a matter fact, your day does not even begin until this happens.
  • The Three SHs – Basically it is a package deal with a shave, shower and sh#!.
  • Java People – nothing gets moving until after your morning coffee
  • Afternoon Sitters – You are weird people, because unless you work at home, you are pooping at work on a regular basis.  Stop it!
    Change your schedule.  This is simply unnecessary.
  • Nighttime Sitters – You are a more uncommon breed than Afternoon Sitters as you like to go before bed time.  Not as weird as Afternoon Sitters, but still a little out there.  Especially if your bathroom is near your bedroom, which means you are going to sleep in that
    climate, which is just gross.
  • Big Meal Pressure (BMP) – I would also call you the ‘baby’ poopers, because you seem to need to go as a result of eating, especially big
    meals.  The problem with this group is you never ever want to invite them over your house for a meal.  If you do, have the candles lit and burning.
  • Poop As Needed (PAN) – You are the rarest of breeds.  I could also call you random poopers, but the bottom line is, unlike most people, your number 2 is NOT on a schedule.  And quite frankly, it is because of your kind that public bathrooms exist.

Other than emergencies, most people are on a schedule; which  means why use a public bathroom when you shouldn’t have to?  Think about it.  Why is it OK to do your business next to  someone else with only an inch thick of hollow metal and space both above and  below your stall divider?  I know what  you are thinking:  Brett, you are  crazy!  Everyone poops.  It’s natural.  It is OK.  Really?  Let me paint the following picture of a very  natural thing that many people do: sex.

In order to remove all possible moral issues, imagine the  following:  Two married couples with the  intention of making a baby decide to share in the baby making experience  together.  They rent a hotel with two  queen beds.  They ask the front desk for  an extra sheet.  They take the sheet and  hang it from the ceiling in between the two queen beds so that each couple has “privacy”.   Then, beginning at 10pm both married couples have sex in their prospective beds in an attempt to make a child.

This is not a moral issue, this is a cultural one.  Neither couple is doing anything wrong,  however, in common (emphasis on the word ‘common’) circles this would be  unacceptable behavior.  What is more  natural than a married couple trying to have a baby?  And yet, this type of lascivious behavior is  happening in thousands of bathrooms across the United States every day.  It’s a cultural thing, and it needs to  stop.  We are not the worse country when it comes to cultural norms around this subject.   For example, in Paris, there are many restaurants that have bathrooms with a hole in the ground.  Not a dirt  hole, but a porcelain, specially designed hole in the floor with places where  your feet go.  So, I realize it could be  worse, but I feel I must at least try with my readers to begin the revolution  of changing our potty culture.

At a Rockies/Brewers game recently, I was at a bus station  waiting for the bus to get us back to Boulder.   I went to pee and noticed the bathroom stalls did NOT have doors … and  someone was using one of them!!!  Am I  REALLY the only one against this?

Here is what needs to happen.  Unless you are younger than 10 years old, you  do not need a public potty.  If potties  are to exist, they need to be private.   If a bathroom must have multiple stalls, they need to be isolated from  each other by both sound and ventilation.   Toilets need to be cleaned by staff every 30 minutes.  Each stall will have a button that will turn  a signal light on giving everyone in the bathroom a warning that someone is about  to exit the stall.  This light will  remain lit for 30 seconds before door is opened.  Talking and eye contact in bathrooms is prohibited.

Believe it or not, I would love to hear your opinion on this  subject.  Do you disagree?  Of course you do, but I am still right.  At the very least, don’t leave the stall until I leave the bathroom.  I do not  want to put a face with what just happened in there.

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TWO FOR THE ROAD (pun intended)

My son, Isaac is four years old.  My wife, Leah can bring him into the women’s bathroom with no repercussions.  I find it fascinating that when my daughter Violet turns four, bringing her in to the male bathroom would be unacceptable.  I’m just sayin …

Brett and I saw the last Harry Potter movie.  We loved it.  As a matter of fact it was my favorite Potter movie and may go see it
again.  But one thing happened that supports my conspiracy theory of movies killing off black people.  Draco Malfoy has two best friends in the
books, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe (In the movies, both are white).  However, in the last movie, Draco is seen with Goyle and a black kid (I don’t recall if he was given a name).

<<<<SPOILER ALERT>>>>

Black kid dies in a fire.
Really?  What happened to Crabbe?  Why does Malfoy’s one black friend got to die?  It’s Jurassic Park all over again.  I’m just sayin …

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So, yesterday was my blogiversary (July 6).  Leave it to me to miss it.  To all of you that have been reading my blog, thanks, you are awesome.

I am currently in the mountains with my son doing research on yellow-bellied marmots (Marmota flaviventris).  Look it up.  The new picture on the front page of my blog is a marmot, but a different species, Marmota olympus, the Olympic Marmot.  But of course, I am sure you already knew that.

Brett and I just got back from a long hike.  We went up to 11,000 feet and then walked back for several miles.  The last half mile was in snow.  Yes, you read that correctly, snow.  It took a long time and he did not complain once.  I plan to post pictures soon, but not today.  We will spend the rest of the day in our cabin relaxing as it kicked both of our butts.  When I got back, Brett went to the bathroom in the main office and there was a guy sitting in the lobby of the office.  He asked me if that was my son.  I said yes.  he was very impressed that I was able to get my son to come to the mountains with me.  I told him that the impressive part was that I do not force him to come.  He comes willingly.  The man said that he hopes one day that his son will want to hike the mountains with him, but is concerned that technology and girls will win over father-son time.  He told me I was very lucky.

The conversation with the man in the lobby reminded me of one very simple truth:  I am very lucky.  I love the fact that Brett is with me, and hope he will want to come to the mountains with his old man for many years to come.  Regardless, I plan on enjoying this while I can.

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When I first started this blog, I promised myself I would do it for a year.  I have done it for a year.  I also thought that only my sister would read it, and although she is a fan, I apparently have others as well.  Pretty cool.  My goal for next year?  Less redeeming value.  I’m just sayin …

The following is my first blog on http://www.sincejuniorhigh.com.  Enjoy!

Does the World REALLY Need Another Blog?

Welcome to my first Blog site.  I started out publishing notes on Facebook, and my sister convinced me to start a blog.  So, why am I blogging.  First of all I think I have interesting things to say.  You may disagree, but I don’t really care.  Which brings us to the second reason I am blogging.  I enjoy reading my own thoughts.  So, even if no one ever reads this blog, I plan on enjoying it, and if you do too, bonus buy.

Will this be a site where family and friends can catch up with the comings and goings of my family?  Sometimes, but most of the time I will be writing about random thoughts I have.  For example, why Karate Kid 2010 was not necessary and explaining point by point how it is inferior to the original in almost every way (details for a later blog).

Will you be a better person by being a regular reader of my blog?  Highly unlikely.  Will we solve political and philosophical issues?  I certainly hope not.  This blog is for sheer entertainment value.  I plan to post every Saturday night with random posting when I feel like it.  So, what should my first post be about?  How about the name, “Since Junior High”.

So, several years ago some friends and I spent several hours playing video games at Gameworks in downtown Seattle.  It was a lot of fun.  After we were done with joystick heaven, I proclaimed to my buddies “My wrist hasn’t been this sore since junior high.”  This line has been quoted ever since, and has been officially entered into the Witty Line Hall of Fame.  If all goes well, by reading this blog, you will be exposed to such high quality comedy.  It’s gold!  Gold, Jerry!

Now for my first random thought:

Is it really THAT difficult to put a shopping cart back?  Seriously, have you ever been so far away from a shopping cart stall and said to your self, “I’m beat after walking through that store.  I just can’t walk this empty cart with wheels the 20 feet necessary to put it out of harms way.”  Really?  If this is you, your car deserves to be the target of shopping cart derby.  I’m just sayin…

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