Posts Tagged ‘poop’

Required reading for EVERYONE.

So, I do not use public bathrooms, at least for #2.  Never have, never will.  If you see me taking a poop in a public bathroom, I can guarantee you I was seconds from messing my pants.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m weird, I get that.  I do not blame people for using the public bathroom, but for me there are too many issues.

The first issue is cleanliness.  Do you know where most people have been? Exactly.  Just gross.  And this in spite the fact that the toilet is possibly the cleanest surface in the house.  Don’t believe me?  See Mythbusters episode 135: Hidden Nasties.  I don’t care, if it ain’t my toilet seat, or a close family member’s seat, I don’t trust it.

Secondly, privacy.  I want the illusion that no one is in ear shot of my business.

Third, privacy.  I sometimes go to the bathroom just to get some time to myself.  Especially at home with my three kids.  And no Isaac, it is neither a spectator sport nor a group activity.  I don’t know if you have little children, but my 3-year-old still doesn’t understand why I need to go to the bathroom by myself.  It is also a great place to get caught up on fun light reading.

Finally, like parents having sex, I would prefer the world not know I actually do that.  I also feel this way about the world.  I do not want to know that you poop.  I don’t care what the classic literature says “Everyone Poops”.  I do not want to know that you poop.

So, here is ONE simple rule I have for everyone that chooses to poop in a public bathroom:

Never, and I mean NEVER leave the stall while I am in the bathroom.

That’s it.

I get that you gotta go, but I do not want to put a face with what I just heard, smelled, and experienced of whatever you were doing in there.  I just don’t.  Bring a magazine, take a pencil to write on the wall, hum your favorite tune quietly to yourself, plan your day, but whatever you do, do not leave that stall until I have washed my hands and left the room.  As far as I am concerned, this is common courtesy.  I’m just sayin …


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