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Archive for April, 2012

So, I read the following story in last Sunday’s paper.  Here is an excerpt:

—-In Georgia, Salecia was accused of tearing items off the walls and throwing books and toys in an outburst Friday at Creekside Elementary in Milledgeville, a city of about 18,000, some 90 miles from Atlanta, police said. Authorities said she also threw a small shelf that struck the principal in the leg, and jumped on a paper shredder and tried to break a glass frame.

Police refused to say what set off the tantrum. The school called police, and when an officer tried to calm the child in the principal’s office, she resisted, authorities said. She then was handcuffed and taken away in a patrol car.—–

A big part of the story was focused on the cop’s use of steel handcuffs on this girl.  They cited the handcuffs as standard policy.   Now, I understand carting off a six-year-old girl in handcuffs in a police car may sound revolting to you.  And believe me, it is.  But, you know what I find offensive?  In what world are the police necessary to restrain a 6-year-old girl?  I am sorry if you disagree with me, but I can’t understand what adult can’t deal with a little girl.  Does she have super strength?  Was she hopped up on PCP?  Come on!

Also, I don’t mean to play the race card, OK, I do, but the little girl is black.  I just wonder if the police would have been called on a six-year-old white girl.  If this has ever happened, please send me the link.  Regardless of the girl’s color, I find this story ridiculous.  It is time to bring back the paddle.  To this day, I remember the 2-inch paddle kept in my elementary school’s office.  It was legendary.  It was never used on me, but I remember knowing kids that received The Paddle.  True or just legend, it did the trick.  Of course, there is a limit for everything, and I actually don’t beat my kids, however, I’d take a good spanking over calling the police any day.  I’m just sayin …

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So, if you know me, you know that I am the King of Minimal Information.  For example, if I leave the house and state, “I will be back in 10 minutes.”  I am sure that your immediate reaction would be, “Where you going?”  And my immediate reaction, stated or thought, would be, “Why do you care?”  Why do you need to know where I am going?  I said I would be back in 10 minutes.  What else do you need to know?  Now keep in mind, I do not do this on purpose, it is just who I am.  For example, if you and I have a meeting, and you tell me that you need to cancel, I will not ask why.  If you want me to know, you would tell me.  Quite honestly, even if you did tell me, I would wonder why you are telling me your business.  I blame my mom for this, as she is the same way.

Well, if I am the King, then my son is the Crown Prince.  I am now in the habit of asking my son very directed questions.  If I don’t, then I learn pretty much nothing about his life.  He does not volunteer information, like his father.  So, like so many other days in the past, I pressed him about how his life was going.  I discovered that he auditioned for the talent show yesterday.  This of course did not come up in any conversation yesterday.  I also found out that he was selected to be in the talent show.  He will be playing the violin on May 18 in front of the school.  How awesome is that!?!  I wonder if he would have told me had I not asked?

When it comes to minimal information, my son has surpassed me.  The King is dead, long live the King!

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My family is hooked on Avatar: The Last Airbender.  I do not know how I never knew about this cartoon series, but it is awesome!  I love good cartoons, and I am glad that my family is hooked on it with me.  Go Aang!  If you don’t know what I am talking about, you are missing out!  You betta recognize!  I’m just sayin’ …

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So, let me begin this blog by stating that I am not a fan of Wisconsin governor, Scott Walker.  However, I have not signed any recall petitions.  I am actually against the recall.  This is how it should work: You do your research, you decide who is the best candidate, and then you vote.  If your candidate loses, then you support whomever is in office (support and agreement are not the same thing) and you move on.  Will I vote in the recall election?  I haven’t decided.

If you voted for Scott Walker, and now you are upset, whose fault is that?  Did you do your research?  Or did you just vote party line?  Well then, you made your bed, now lie in it.  If you didn’t vote for Scott Walker, what is the basis of the recall?  Is it because you didn’t get your way?  Childish.  I do not like this precedent.  But then …

Less than two weeks ago, the Equal Pay Enforcement Act was repealed, signed by Scott Walker.  The purpose of the law was to provide anyone who has been discriminated against to plead their case in circuit court rather than federal.  It also provided stronger enforcement mechanisms for violations of pay and workplace discrimination.

I have no idea why anyone would be against mechanisms to help prevent employers from discrimination.  Between Wisconsin’s Castle Doctrine (We too had a recent shooting.  The castle law allowed the shooter to kill within the law.  The victim was also a young black man), concealed carry, loss of bargaining rights, major education funding cuts, and now the repeal of equal pay enforcement act, maybe the recall isn’t such a bad idea.
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I don’t know if I’d call it a war on women, but it does appear as if the Republican party has shot a cannon across the bow.  I mean, it’s not like the War on Christmas (He wrote sarcastically).  I’m just sayin …

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So, last February, my wife and I were enjoying a lovely Valentine’s dinner and I had what in my opinion was a brilliant idea: Anti-Valentine’s Day.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not actually against Valentine’s Day.  As matter of fact, I enjoy Valentine’s Day a lot, but I got to wondering about how fake it might be, or at least has become.  You may have heard people say, “I don’t celebrate V-Day, because everyday is V-Day.”  Well, other than the fact that this is usually a statement made by guys, the lazy, and people in general full of BS, it did make me ponder about the authenticity of V-Day.

Why was I so interested in creating Anti-Valentine’s Day?  The simple answer is, I don’t know, but the more complicated answer involves a trip down memory lane involving “The Salmon Incident”.  My wife and I were in a long-distance relationship in the beginning.  She lived in Oxford, England.  I liked Oxford.  I would have moved there if I did not have ties in the US.  Nonetheless, whenever I visited she would cook me a nice dinner on the first night, usually salmon.  I am sure you are aware of England’s reputation for fish and chips, but they also, according to my wife, have excellent salmon.  She would rave about the high quality of their salmon and how it was the best she ever tasted.  So, she used my visits as an excuse to cook salmon.  After the fifth or sixth time she cooked me salmon, I finally had to tell her, “I’m not a huge fan of salmon.”  It’s not that I hate salmon, but if I only had salmon once a year or every couple of years, I would be just fine.  Needless to say, she stopped cooking me salmon and now every time we discuss the need to not have secrets in our relationship, we refer back to the ‘The Salmon Incident’.

So, it got me thinking about relationships.  I bet every relationship has secrets.  I am not talking about big secrets, like a secret love child, but little secrets, like I hate that one shirt that you always wear.  So, during our Valentine’s Dinner, I revealed to my wife an idea for a new holiday, Anti-Valentine’s Day.  At first she was dubious.  She felt strongly that this was a veiled attempt at getting permission to tell her a secret.  After ten minutes of convincing her that I had did not have any big surprises for her, and thereby ruining Valentine’s Day, she was willing to hear me out.

Here is how it works:  Once a year, I recommend February 15, you get to share one secret with your significant other.  Again, this is NOT big secret day, but a little secret.  I think it should be the day after Valentine’s Day, that way you don’t miss out on getting some, because you ain’t getting any after Anti-Valentine’s Day.  For example, I told this idea to a friend of mine, and he had a little secret immediately.  I was actually surprised how quickly he had his secret, it was clearly ready and loaded in the chamber.  He was upset that his wife never empties the trash.  She will allow the trash to pile as high as the ceiling, but she will never take it out.  This is a great example of a secret to be shared on Anti-Valentine’s Day.  How would this not be positive for any relationship?

Now would be a good time to apologize to any unsuspecting person on the receiving end of this idea.  If you choose to do this with your spouse and it blows up in your face, do not blame me.  But aren’t these the secrets that grow and fester in any relationship?  It is easy to let things go in the beginning, the lust phase, but what about 5-10 years down the road?  When will you pick up the dirty underwear off the floor and snap?  The 10th time?  100th time?  Hence, Anti-Valentine’s Day, the savior or destroyer of relationships.  My wife stated that in order for this day to work, there must be rules agreed upon by both parties.  For example:  The secret can’t be huge, it must be a minor secret that falls in the annoying category.  You cant’ get mad.  If you agree to do this, know blowing up at your partner.  It must be something that can actually be changed and surgery doesn’t count.  If you are not happy with your partner’s breast or penis size, well, you just need to come to terms with that.  This also includes being overweight.  If you think your partner is too fat, well, good luck with that one.

So, what is your salmon incident?  Do you have something you have always wanted to tell your spouse, but it has gone on too long and you are afraid it is too late?  If so, maybe Anti-Valentine’s Day is for you.  If you try it, I would love to hear how it went, but don’t blame me if it goes horribly wrong.

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My wife kept pushing me to reveal my secret, convinced I was hiding something.  The only thing I had was that she often left a room and kept the lights on.  She also does this thing where she will walk into the living room while I am watching TV and complain that I have all the curtains closed.  She will then open all the curtains and say, “That’s better.” and then leave.  What?  She doesn’t do this anymore, because I have already told her, but if I hadn’t it would be a great candidate for Anti-Valentine’s Day.  The question is not what is your issue, but how quickly will it jump to your brain upon reading this blog?  Was it 10 seconds? A minute?  Or immediately upon reading relationship secret?  I’m just sayin’ …

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So, I am sick and tired of bumper stickers.  At minimum they make me smile, and at worse they make me angry.  I especially hate political bumper stickers.  Why do people have these?  I don’t care that you are a Republican.  I don’t care that you believe in peace.  And why, for all that is Holy, do I need to know about your dog? Or kids?

I would love to have a bumper sticker that protests bumper stickers, but it would go against my hatred of bumper stickers.  I would love a voice recognition electronic message board on the back of my window.  Now that I would support.  Honking is too ambiguous, and giving someone the finger is just too aggressive and rude.  But what about a message board that flashed “Hey Ford Escort! If you are going to ride my ass, how about you buy me dinner first!”  Informative, with a little humor, I like it.

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Actually I do support bumper stickers that show pride in one’s kids, but that is for the kids, and not the general public.  Unless it is a bumper sticker that states, “My kid beat up your honor roll kid”, and then it’s just another political statement, which I’m against.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I just don’t have the time to blog.  It sucks.  I am working too much.  I don’t want to quit my job, but I do want more money for doing less.  Is that so wrong?  When I do have time, I try to fill that time with golf.  I am on a quest to break 80.  Anyhoo, I don’t think I will be able to give my blog the time I think it deserves until the end of the semester, or at least until I stop caring about the quality of my work.  So, I must keep my blogs brief.  Hence, the first installment of Blog Shorts.

If the kids are under control, and my wife has the energy to complete their long, arduous journey towards getting out of the house, I leave early.  I carpool, so leaving early means I get an hour of work done before I meet my carpool partner.  This is great because it allows me to show up to class prepared (You might be asking, what happens when I can’t leave early? Smoke and mirrors … smoke and mirrors.)

Usually I take advantage of the wi-fi at Starbucks.  I order a tall half-caf.  I used to order a full caf, but it would kill me.  What does Starbucks put in their coffee?  Crack?  No other place impacts me so.  I have never been able to finish a tall Starbucks coffee.  How do people do it? Anyhoo,  I set up my laptop and get to work.

This morning, the barista asked me if I was going to get some work done today as she gets my half-caf.  I think to myself, “Crap, I am being noticed.  This is the second time this person has tried to chat me up.  The next time, she might actually consider me a regular and want to ask me about my day.  What’s next?  Me knowing something about her?”

Too bad.  I liked this Starbucks.  I will miss it.  Starbucks, you are now dead to me.  RIP Starbucks… RIP.

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Even my blog shorts are not that short.  I’m just sayin’ …

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