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Posts Tagged ‘walmart’

So, I have decided that there is no proper way to ask a woman in a grocery store if she is a stripper or not.

I have also decided that strippers do most of their shopping between 4 and 5 and nine times out of ten are dragging a kid in tow.  I can’t prove this (see above), but I believe it to be true.

I went to the nicest Walmart I have ever seen today.  The people were still ghetto.  I am convinced that Walmart has an ugly requirement.  Not a single good-looking person was working there, NOT ONE.

If I sold sweats, especially crushed velvet sweats outside a Walmart, I would make a killing.

Taco Bell was sued this year because it was claimed that their “beef” burritos only contained approximately 35% beef.  Taco Bell responded by stating that their “beef” burritos are actually 88% beef.  I don’t have a problem with their burritos only being 88% beef, what bugs me is the fact that they refuse to tell the American public what the remaining 12% contains.  The only thing they will state are spices.  I haven’t eaten at Taco Bell since, and won’t till I find out what that 12% contains.  I eat hot dogs for Pete’s sake, I’m not picky, I just want to know what it is.

April first is taken seriously in my house.  The trick last year was my son getting my wife to come running in response to him yelling that he broke his leg.  Very funny.  This year, my son brought home a pink slip.  The pink slip stated that he disrespected the lunch ladies.  Leah said to me, “Has Brett talked to you?  It’s not good.”  I gave Brett a stern talking to for a full minute before he broke and said “April Fools!”  My wife began busting out laughing.  Not as funny this year.

I just read an article that surveyed hundreds of business people asking if it was OK for women to cry at work. More men than women said it was OK.  Women stated that crying made the women appear unstable.  This is further evidence that women are vindictive, evil creatures.

Marriage is interesting.  It is clearly religious, yet most people desire to get married, including atheist and non-traditional relationships, such as homosexuals, and this in spite of the obstacles in front of them.  What is it about marriage?  It is clearly more cultural than religious.  It is one of the few traditions that if you do not participate in it could be awkward.  Nonetheless, I wish the best to my buddy, Nick who is marrying a wonderful lady, Laura tomorrow.  Good luck you guys!  No jokes, just best wishes.

My wife is very excited about attending the wedding tomorrow.  She asked me if I was excited.  I said no.  She did not understand why I wasn’t excited for the wedding.  I only had one response, “Cause I’m a guy.”  There better be an open bar.

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Sorry for the long lag between blogs.  If I could blog everyday, I would.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I hate to do this, I really do, but I have something to say.  First of all, I hate Fox News, but more on that later.  Unless you live under a rock, you may have noticed that Wisconsin has been in the news lately.  Now, if I were a supporter of conspiracy theories (which I am) I would say that the Governor Walker is trying to destroy unions to eliminate a powerful supporter of the democratic party.  And that he is trying to set precedent for other states to eliminate collective bargaining on his way to create a Republican Super Power or Empire and take away free will from the American people.  I would only say this if I was a conspiracy theorist (which I am).  Why else would he not accept the unions agreement to have employees do EVERYTHING in his bill, accept the loss of collective bargaining?  I’m just sayin.

Am I biased?  Of course I am.  Just the mere fact that I have a PhD, a democrat and an independent thinker makes me biased on this particular issue.  The whole thing is asinine.  Does that make me an elitist?  Probably, and I am OK with that.  Here are the facts:

January 2011 – Walker signs bill providing tax breaks for those with health savings accounts.  This is reduced state revenue, how will it be made up?

January 2011 – Walker signs bill giving tax breaks to businesses that relocate to Wisconsin in their first two years, and is retroactive to Jan. 1, 2011 and would lower state revenue by an estimated $1 million over two years.  Will this be made up by stimulating business? I don’t know.

Are these bills bad?  Depending on your perspective, but my issue is that he has spent the first month in office reducing state revenue and then proposes a bill that increases out-of-pocket expenses of a specific population of Wisconsin while simultaneously attempting to severely reduce collective bargaining.  Also, keep in mind, these cuts to pay proposed in this bill does not even scratch the over 3 billion (yes, that’s billion with a B) deficit for the next budget cycle.

Finally, to why I hate Fox News.  On Fox News, it was stated that Wisconsin Union workers make “89,000 bucks” in salary ($51,000) and benefits ($38,000), while non-union workers make an average of $48,000 ($38K + $10K).  The next night they corrected their previous statement, by stating that it is really $81K for Wisconsin versus $66K for everyone else.

Firstly, I hate inaccurate news! (And no I am not saying that Fox is the only news source that gets things wrong.)  Because no one listens to/hears the correction.  It just fuels the stupid commercials I am seeing that somehow these union workers have gotten over on the system.

Secondly, the comparison is not that simple.  If you believe the first set of numbers (the incorrect ones) you would be inclined to think Wisconsin union employees are receiving an unfare advantage.  You might even think this with the accurate numbers, but even the real numbers would be misleading.  Why? Because education matters.

According to the US Census Bureau, 17% of Wisconsin residents (25 years and older) hold a bachelor’s degree.  A bachelor’s degree is required to be a teacher in Wisconsin.  So, the real question is, does a person with a bachelor’s degree in the public sector make more than the private sector equivalent.  According to the Economic Policy Institute, that answer is no.

So, like most political issues, many people are being misled by inaccuracies or national pundits comparing apples to oranges as they miss much of the crucial details that make comparisons have true meaning.  Now Walker may never raise taxes, which will make a lot of people happy, but when he cuts streams of state revinue (like taxbreaks) where is the money going to come from to cover that loss, if not taxes?  Wisconsin union workers will not have their taxes raised, but they will be paying more next year.  Is there a difference?Sorry for this political rant, but it had to be done.

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Last week I was in Walmart and saw a HOT female employee.  Of course, the first thought had been “Is she really hot, or just ‘Walmart’ hot?”  See “Beauty is Relative” for more detailed explanation. But it got me thinking.  Is beauty really that much of an advantage in the work place.  THink about it.  Think about all the jobs that you would never ever want to have, for example, gas attendant, Walmart employee, fry cook, janitor, or garbage collector.  Now, don’t get me wrong, these jobs are important and if you work in one of these jobs, please forgive me for what I am about to say, but people with these jobs are never good-looking  (See?  Sorry).  You know this is true, because when you see a good-looking garbage collector it will seem weird to you.  The only explanation I could give for the Walmart employee being hot, assuming that she was indeed hot, was that she was foreign and just moved to the country.  That would be the only explanation that would make sense to me.  I’m just sayin …

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So, I was at Walmart the other day and had a recurring thought.  “Why is Walmart so ghetto?”  I mean it doesn’t matter where Walmart is located, I almost guarantee that the people who shop there on average will not look good.  If you have a disease, open sore, facial scar, bullet wound, two-year-old kid in a diaper at 3am in the morning, if it’s clearly laundry day, or if you are dressed for Halloween in June, then you are a Walmart shopper.  Don’t believe me?  Check out http://www.peopleofwalmart.com.

There could be a Walmart in Beverly Hills, and it would still be ghetto.  Now granted, I occasionally shop at Walmart, and I think every time, I have just raised the beauty level of this place a full point.  That’s I right, I just said that.  So, how do we rate beauty?  I love rating beauty.  It may sound cliché, but I almost always look at people and rate them on their looks.  Of course, mostly women, that’s how I roll.  Wrong? Maybe, but fun.  Now, when I rate, I am mostly interested in the global rating and I have discovered that beauty is highly dependent on location.  Beauty varies not only where in the country you are, but the specific place, for example, grocery store or discount store.  I could also talk about countries.  For example, I spent a month in Russia and was shocked how gorgeous the women were there.  I will save that topic for another blog.

As a result of this finding, it is crucial that when rating beauty we must use a handicap system.  I now present the Brett Beauty Handicapping System.  I am from LA, and I must say the most beautiful women in the world reside there, and therefore, they are the standard.  So, if a woman is an LA 10, she is a 10, period.  So, here is a list of beauty location categories (suggestions are always welcome):

Los Angeles/Hollywood :  0

Golf Course :  -1.5

Midwest :  -2.5

New York/East Coast :  -1

The Mall (It doesn’t matter where) :  -2

Walmart :  -3

Here is how this works.  If you play golf, you may have noticed that the cart girl is ALWAYS cute.  I am quite confident that it is a requirement for working at a golf course.  The interesting thing is they are never super cute, just cute enough to say “she was cute” and then move on.  Now, let’s say we saw the golf cart girl and we rated her as a 7.  Consider taking the same golf cart girl to a beach in LA.  Her new rating would be 5.5 in LA (golf course: -1.5).  So, when we see her, you must say she is a golf course 7.  You see how it works?  We could use this anywhere.  Feel free to modify as you see fit.

So, the moral of the story?  Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder, beauty is relative.  If you want to look more attractive, make sure you hang out with people that look worse than you.  Maybe this is why I don’t have any friends.  Yeah, you damn straight, I just said that.

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When a blind person goes to the bathroom and needs to wipe their bottom, how do they know when they are done?  I’m just sayin …

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