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So, today is Halloween.  I can’t overstate this enough, I hate Halloween.  If you were to ask me which day out of the 365 or 366 days of the year I hate the most, the answer would be quick and easy, Halloween.  I realize that I am in the clear minority with this, but I don’t care, I could do without the day.  Here is the run down of why:

I hate makeup.  Not the makeup a woman wears to make herself pretty, or the even the makeup an actor might wear on stage.  I hate the caked on obvious kind of makeup.  This includes Mary Kay old women, transvestites, and clowns, especially clowns.  Why do people like clowns?  They are very disturbing, not funny, not funny at all.

I hate strangers at my house.  It is the one day of the year where it is not only acceptable to knock on a stranger’s house, but actually encouraged.  I don’t know these people.  Then on top of that, they show up at my door with their greedy hands out wanting something from me.  this is MY candy.  I bought it with my hard-earned money.  Who do you think you are?

I have a bad childhood experience with Halloween.  First off, I still have a vivid memory of being told to stick my head down in the back of the car that my brother was driving because of some crazy people in chase.  It was in the parking lot of Ganesha High School in California.  Very traumatizing.  Secondly, my oldest brother, Thomas, made it his personal goal to scare me as much as humanly possible.  This was never more true than on Halloween.  Just a day to encourage bad behavior.

I am not a huge fan of candy.  Probably from my childhood days of being denied candy on a regular basis, but nonetheless, I can do without it.  As a matter of fact, I don’t like candy in my house, because if it there, I will eat it.  So, as a general rule, I do not buy the stuff.

I hate glorifying evil.  Once again, this is the only day of the year where it is encouraged to dress up like the dead, ghosts, goblins, murderers, death, etc.  It’s gross.  I don’t care what your beliefs are, but to actively invite evil into your life disturbs me.

I hate strangers.  I realize this is similar to my previous point of strangers at my house, but this point can’t be stressed enough.  I hate strangers.  Strangers in costume, even worse.

And finally, here as some rules that I think should be followed on this horrid day:

If you are 13 or older, no trick or treating.  A city banned this in Illinois and I completely support the move (http://www.kltv.com/Global/story.asp?S=13413268).

If you have a baby in a costume, or a child that can not speak or go up to the door on their own, but you are collecting candy on their behalf, you need serious help.  I realize that the food stamps may not be sufficient, but using Halloween to go shopping is just wrong.  And they always look like they have just got out of a stereotype movie.  One couple I saw was literally barefoot, dressed like hillbillies.  Costumes? I don’t think so.

If you are a teenager, which you shouldn’t be (see above) you should have an excellent costume.  A wife beater t-shirt and ripped dreams (criminal on Cops) does not count.

No reaching or grabbing for candy.  You will be SHOT!

So, that is how I feel.  I am sure you disagree, but I am clearly right on this one.

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Is it me or are Halloween costumes geared towards women? I took my son to Halloween Express to get him a Superman costume.  I felt like I needed to blindfold him as we walked the aisles.  Sexy cop, sexy prisoner, sexy football player, sexy hooker. OK, I made up that last one, or did I?  I talked to my students about this and we determined that there are levels.  Skank is the worst, followed by Whoorish, and then Trashy, followed by Revealing, and then Sexy.  Just in case you were wondering.  I’m just sayin’ …

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