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Posts Tagged ‘erotic’

So, recently I have seen what television turns into at 2 o’clock in the morning and it is not pretty.  Normally I am not up at 2am and if I am, I am usually working.  As a matter of fact, I don’t recall watching TV in the middle of the night for several years now.  So, when I had a tummy ache Saturday night and no desire to go down to my cold basement to watch Scrubs Season 6 or play Wii Lego Harry Potter, I decided to watch some good ol’ fashion television.  I was shocked!

Let’s start the show with a little Comedy Central playing one of my favorite comics, Louis C.K.  (Check out a very funny bit from Jay Leno)  I turn on the station and get my blankets in place and get comfortable on the couch, when I hear the word F#@& and Motherf#@&er.  And I’m like WHAT!?!  I continue to listen to the comedy act on television, granted cable television, but still, NOT a Pay channel, and the cuss words are just flying.  Not a single bleep in sight.  So, it got me thinking, what else is on television right now.  And leave it to TV that gives so much and asks so little, I give you …

Shop Erotic on the Oxygen Channel.  Now, I have no idea what the Oxygen channel is or why it named after a gas necessary for animal life, but there it was hosted by two women dressed very professionally.  Had it not been for the products they were selling, like the Turbo Glider, or the Deluxe Rabbit Pearl, both of which are for females and I could not tell you what they are or what they do to save my life, but nonetheless, there they were for all the world to see and to buy, and apparently 30% off, what a bargain.  But seriously, had it not been for the products, it would have looked like any other ordinary shopping channel.  The women spoke very professionally and spoke about the special features of the new vibrating pink dildo like you would of a special grilling feature of a Foreman Grill.  When did this happen?

Nowadays, most people have at least basic cable.  And under normal during-the-day circumstances, there is nothing on basic cable that would surprise me.  Even when Comedy Central airs comics, they bleep out most of the bad words.  When did the FCC say it was OK to do anything you want after 2am?  I had no idea this was going on.  Am I appalled? Not really, but I am shocked.  I have no plans on writing my congressman, but I was quite surprised by what I was seeing on TV.  And of course, I watched for at least 20 minutes of all this, mainly because it was like watching a car wreck, I could not turn away.  And yes, I did order like 100 bucks worth of stuff, but that was purely for research.  No, just kidding, I did not order anything, but it did get me thinking about people watching TV at 2am.  If you are sitting on your couch, watching TV at 2am on a regular basis, and you don’t have an excuse like insomnia, illness, or woken up by a baby, than you might need to evaluate your life.  I won’t say reevaluate your life, because if I am speaking about you, then you probably have never evaluated your life to begin with.

Is this new training, and if so, for what?

 

So, I finally, I change the channel, and what do I see?  The Shake Weight.  

COME ON!!

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I have relatively few absolute beliefs, but one absolute belief I have is that you should never run out of toilet paper.  Toilet paper is one of the few items that if you were to go to the store right now and buy 1000 rolls, they would not go to waste.  As a matter of fact, at some point, you would have to buy more toilet paper.  So, the idea of running out of toilet paper is ludicrous.  So, nothing angers me more than to sit down for my daily constitution and to look up and see that there is no toilet paper.  Sacrilege.  This should never ever happen.  And can someone explain to me why the idea of running out of toilet paper only occurred when I started living with a woman.  What you are you ladies doing with the stuff?  Seriously, are you rolling your entire hand and making a toilet paper glove?  I’m just sayin …

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