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Posts Tagged ‘valentine’

So, last February, my wife and I were enjoying a lovely Valentine’s dinner and I had what in my opinion was a brilliant idea: Anti-Valentine’s Day.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not actually against Valentine’s Day.  As matter of fact, I enjoy Valentine’s Day a lot, but I got to wondering about how fake it might be, or at least has become.  You may have heard people say, “I don’t celebrate V-Day, because everyday is V-Day.”  Well, other than the fact that this is usually a statement made by guys, the lazy, and people in general full of BS, it did make me ponder about the authenticity of V-Day.

Why was I so interested in creating Anti-Valentine’s Day?  The simple answer is, I don’t know, but the more complicated answer involves a trip down memory lane involving “The Salmon Incident”.  My wife and I were in a long-distance relationship in the beginning.  She lived in Oxford, England.  I liked Oxford.  I would have moved there if I did not have ties in the US.  Nonetheless, whenever I visited she would cook me a nice dinner on the first night, usually salmon.  I am sure you are aware of England’s reputation for fish and chips, but they also, according to my wife, have excellent salmon.  She would rave about the high quality of their salmon and how it was the best she ever tasted.  So, she used my visits as an excuse to cook salmon.  After the fifth or sixth time she cooked me salmon, I finally had to tell her, “I’m not a huge fan of salmon.”  It’s not that I hate salmon, but if I only had salmon once a year or every couple of years, I would be just fine.  Needless to say, she stopped cooking me salmon and now every time we discuss the need to not have secrets in our relationship, we refer back to the ‘The Salmon Incident’.

So, it got me thinking about relationships.  I bet every relationship has secrets.  I am not talking about big secrets, like a secret love child, but little secrets, like I hate that one shirt that you always wear.  So, during our Valentine’s Dinner, I revealed to my wife an idea for a new holiday, Anti-Valentine’s Day.  At first she was dubious.  She felt strongly that this was a veiled attempt at getting permission to tell her a secret.  After ten minutes of convincing her that I had did not have any big surprises for her, and thereby ruining Valentine’s Day, she was willing to hear me out.

Here is how it works:  Once a year, I recommend February 15, you get to share one secret with your significant other.  Again, this is NOT big secret day, but a little secret.  I think it should be the day after Valentine’s Day, that way you don’t miss out on getting some, because you ain’t getting any after Anti-Valentine’s Day.  For example, I told this idea to a friend of mine, and he had a little secret immediately.  I was actually surprised how quickly he had his secret, it was clearly ready and loaded in the chamber.  He was upset that his wife never empties the trash.  She will allow the trash to pile as high as the ceiling, but she will never take it out.  This is a great example of a secret to be shared on Anti-Valentine’s Day.  How would this not be positive for any relationship?

Now would be a good time to apologize to any unsuspecting person on the receiving end of this idea.  If you choose to do this with your spouse and it blows up in your face, do not blame me.  But aren’t these the secrets that grow and fester in any relationship?  It is easy to let things go in the beginning, the lust phase, but what about 5-10 years down the road?  When will you pick up the dirty underwear off the floor and snap?  The 10th time?  100th time?  Hence, Anti-Valentine’s Day, the savior or destroyer of relationships.  My wife stated that in order for this day to work, there must be rules agreed upon by both parties.  For example:  The secret can’t be huge, it must be a minor secret that falls in the annoying category.  You cant’ get mad.  If you agree to do this, know blowing up at your partner.  It must be something that can actually be changed and surgery doesn’t count.  If you are not happy with your partner’s breast or penis size, well, you just need to come to terms with that.  This also includes being overweight.  If you think your partner is too fat, well, good luck with that one.

So, what is your salmon incident?  Do you have something you have always wanted to tell your spouse, but it has gone on too long and you are afraid it is too late?  If so, maybe Anti-Valentine’s Day is for you.  If you try it, I would love to hear how it went, but don’t blame me if it goes horribly wrong.

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My wife kept pushing me to reveal my secret, convinced I was hiding something.  The only thing I had was that she often left a room and kept the lights on.  She also does this thing where she will walk into the living room while I am watching TV and complain that I have all the curtains closed.  She will then open all the curtains and say, “That’s better.” and then leave.  What?  She doesn’t do this anymore, because I have already told her, but if I hadn’t it would be a great candidate for Anti-Valentine’s Day.  The question is not what is your issue, but how quickly will it jump to your brain upon reading this blog?  Was it 10 seconds? A minute?  Or immediately upon reading relationship secret?  I’m just sayin’ …

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So, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and if you are like us, you have already celebrated the day or at least mostly.  As far as I can tell, most people celebrate the day the weekend before the actual day.  So, when I tried to get dinner reservations for Saturday night, it was impossible.  So, we went to dinner on Friday night instead.  We went to a hoity toity place called Kil@Wat, and I did not misspell the name.  Why the ‘@’?  I have no idea.  The restaurant was in downtown Milwaukee and we were dressed very nice.  Quite frankly, she and I looked awesome.  Her more than me, but that is to be expected.  As we were dressed to impress, we felt empowered to make fun of other people’s attire.  For example, the woman with too short skirt with the waist band just below the neck and about 20 pounds overweight.  The overweight part was fine, but not the too high, too short skirt.  She was not as bad as the woman with the knee-high boots with short short BRIGHT orange skirt and matching low-cut BRIGHT orange top.  She was also about 6 foot 3.  She may have been a hired escort.  I hope she was, because then it would have made more sense, but that might just be me.

OK, back to the restaurant.  The service was amazing.  Our waiter had an assistant.  Seriously, the waiter had an assistant.  What was the assistant’s job?  Good question.  He was to make sure that our water needs were taken care of.  He was peddling two types of mineral water.  I can’t tell you more than that because the idea was ridiculous as far as we were concerned.  Good ol’ Milwaukee city water was just fine by us.  Despite the great ambiance and excellent service, the food was only so so.  We will not be back, but we had a good time.  Plus, we had an excellent coupon, cause that’s how we roll.  On the actual day we will go to Red Robin as a family which is something we have been doing for the past four years I believe.  We will have a good time.  My kids and I will probably forever associate Red Robin with Valentine’s Day.

The whole experience has gotten me thinking of Valentine’s Day and what’s the point of the day.  If you are single and don’t want to be, I can only imagine that the day sucks.  If you are married, then you may be getting your yearly flowers as a gift, if you are a woman, and guaranteed sex night, if you are a man.  It is kind of sad when you think about it.  On one hand, it is beautiful to think of a day that celebrates love.  On the other hand, it is sad that a day created by Hallmark (I don’t know this) is required to get some loving from the person who should be providing the loving on most days anyway.  The irony for me is that I do not know if I have ever got loving on Valentine’s Day.  Not the actual day at least.  Often the day before, or the day after, but rarely on the actual day.  Weird huh?  I can’t complain though, I don’t need Valentine’s Day to get some, which is nice.  My wife will take one for team on a regular a basis, which is nice.  Too much information??  Now take a moment to think of all the people who are hooking up over the next 24 hours.  OK, don’t think about it too much, it might creep you out.  Nonetheless, whether it is once a year, once a week, or daily, I hope you, if you are able, can get your love on this Monday.  Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

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Last Thursday I woke up and it was 8 degrees below zero.  EIGHT FRICKIN’ DEGREES BELOW ZERO!  And I am not talking Celsius, if that has any meaning to you.  For those of you that are lucky enough to live in warm states, let’s bring this temp into perspective.  The temperature would have to raise a full 40 degrees to reach the temperature of an ice-cube.  An ICE CUBE!!  This means on Thursday morning, it was WAY warmer IN my freezer than outside.  Why do I live here?  It was cool to throw boiling water into the air and watch it instantly turn in to snow (see my Facebook page to see video).  Simple pleasures.  I’m just sayin …

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