Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘snow’

So, are you frustrated because you can’t lose that last 5, 10, or 50 lbs of “baby” fat?  Have you tried every diet under the sun and nothing seems to work?  Then come on down to Brett’s Marmot Fat Camp.  We guarantee that you will lose weight or wonder why you ever cared about losing weight in the first place or your money back.

Why is our fat camp better than other fat camps?  Simple … Deprivation.  We will deprive you of EVERYTHING you hold dear, including oxygen.  That’s right, oxygen.  You see other fat camps give you way too much oxygen.  No wonder you fail.  Here is how it works:

First we give you a lovely cabin in the woods above 9,000 ft.  Trust me, at this elevation, walking to the bathroom will burn more calories than you ever imagined.  A select few will lose 5 to 10 pounds in the first night!  Who says altitude sickness is a bad thing1?

1We can’t guarantee altitude sickness, results will vary.

At Brett’s Marmot Fat Camp, we will not restrict your diet, eat as much as you want.  We will not make you do any crazy exercises, like jumping jacks, situps, or exercise machines, heck we won’t even make you jog if you don’t want to, but trust me, you will want to.  The only thing you will have to do is enjoy nature and trap a few marmots.

After a couple of days in the cabin, we will take you on a nice 20 minute drive up the mountain.  You won’t believe how beautiful the scenery will be from your car seat.  We will stop at a parking lot and then take a stroll up the hill to 11,000 feet!  Just above 11,000 feet you will receive a brief rest and a small pack of trail mix.  We won’t rush you, because we won’t need to.  The only thing we ask is that you DON’T TURN AROUND, because the vehicle you came in, is gone.  Oh by the way, I almost forgot, don’t forget your backpack, it contains the only food you will be allowed to eat for the next couple of days.  Why is it 50 pounds?  Because we have partnered you up with someone who can’t carry as much, so you will be carrying food, water and sleeping gear for two.

But wait, there’s more.  To add to the adventure of your hike, as an added bonus, we have made the last mile of your journey in over four feet of snow.  It also just so happens that the last mile is the steepest.  Yeah!!!  I hope you brought enough water, because by the time you reach the top you will be drenched in sweat.  Didn’t bring enough water, don’t worry there is water everywhere.  And as an added bonus, the more water you drink from God’s beautiful nature, the more weight you will lose.  Who says giardia is a bad thing2?

2We are not medical doctors.  According to medical doctors, giardia IS a bad thing.  However, those that contract giardia have been known to lose significantly more pounds than those without giardia.  Individual results will vary.

We will set up base camp at around 11,000 feet.  And you thought it was hard to move around at 9,000 ft.  At Brett’s Marmot Fat Camp, we go that extra 2,000 feet and more for you.  You see, the marmots are not at base camp, we must hike that extra 500 feet to find them.  And we must do it multiple times a day.  Those traps are not going to set themselves.  Plus, the traps are not there already, so you will carry them up to the top of the mountain.  We know walking is easy for you, so we have provided a challenge to your walking feet, and that is lots and lots of rocks.  Rocks everywhere!  Don’t twist that ankle, because twisted ankles are for losers, and you are a winner.  But wait, there’s more!  Don’t like to jog?  Who does?  But as we said, we do not force jogging at Brett’s Marmot Fat Camp, but we do provide lightning.  Just about every afternoon while you are on top of the mountain trapping marmots, you will hear thunder.  You don’t have to run, but we recommend it.  You will see those pounds melt away each afternoon3.

3We are not responsible for broken ankles or being struck by lightning as you careen down the mountain.  Lightning does not cause increased fat loss, but running does.  Individual results will vary.

After trapping on the mountain, you will feel better, refreshed.  You will barely recognize yourself as you return to the parking lot below.  And for an extra fee, we can make sure that the car is gone when you return.  That’s right, why not walk all the way to your cabin.  You will feel better, and you won’t even recognize yourself when you walk through that door.

So, come on up.  Give us a try.  At Brett’s Marmot Fat Camp, where the marmots will be getting fat, while you are getting thin.
————————————————-
We are walking down the mountain and my son asks if we are going to go up again.  In my mind I am thinking that this boy has paid his dues.  He has already gone up the mountain multiple times, hiked up steep mountains in snow, spent the night in less than luxury conditions and helped trap marmots.  So I said, “I am going back up, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I would like to go back up.”  He said.  I told him, “That’s awesome, really awesome.”  I almost cried.  I’m just sayin …

My Study Animal: The Yellow-bellied Marmot

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

So, yesterday was my blogiversary (July 6).  Leave it to me to miss it.  To all of you that have been reading my blog, thanks, you are awesome.

I am currently in the mountains with my son doing research on yellow-bellied marmots (Marmota flaviventris).  Look it up.  The new picture on the front page of my blog is a marmot, but a different species, Marmota olympus, the Olympic Marmot.  But of course, I am sure you already knew that.

Brett and I just got back from a long hike.  We went up to 11,000 feet and then walked back for several miles.  The last half mile was in snow.  Yes, you read that correctly, snow.  It took a long time and he did not complain once.  I plan to post pictures soon, but not today.  We will spend the rest of the day in our cabin relaxing as it kicked both of our butts.  When I got back, Brett went to the bathroom in the main office and there was a guy sitting in the lobby of the office.  He asked me if that was my son.  I said yes.  he was very impressed that I was able to get my son to come to the mountains with me.  I told him that the impressive part was that I do not force him to come.  He comes willingly.  The man said that he hopes one day that his son will want to hike the mountains with him, but is concerned that technology and girls will win over father-son time.  He told me I was very lucky.

The conversation with the man in the lobby reminded me of one very simple truth:  I am very lucky.  I love the fact that Brett is with me, and hope he will want to come to the mountains with his old man for many years to come.  Regardless, I plan on enjoying this while I can.

————————————————————————

When I first started this blog, I promised myself I would do it for a year.  I have done it for a year.  I also thought that only my sister would read it, and although she is a fan, I apparently have others as well.  Pretty cool.  My goal for next year?  Less redeeming value.  I’m just sayin …

The following is my first blog on http://www.sincejuniorhigh.com.  Enjoy!

Does the World REALLY Need Another Blog?

Welcome to my first Blog site.  I started out publishing notes on Facebook, and my sister convinced me to start a blog.  So, why am I blogging.  First of all I think I have interesting things to say.  You may disagree, but I don’t really care.  Which brings us to the second reason I am blogging.  I enjoy reading my own thoughts.  So, even if no one ever reads this blog, I plan on enjoying it, and if you do too, bonus buy.

Will this be a site where family and friends can catch up with the comings and goings of my family?  Sometimes, but most of the time I will be writing about random thoughts I have.  For example, why Karate Kid 2010 was not necessary and explaining point by point how it is inferior to the original in almost every way (details for a later blog).

Will you be a better person by being a regular reader of my blog?  Highly unlikely.  Will we solve political and philosophical issues?  I certainly hope not.  This blog is for sheer entertainment value.  I plan to post every Saturday night with random posting when I feel like it.  So, what should my first post be about?  How about the name, “Since Junior High”.

So, several years ago some friends and I spent several hours playing video games at Gameworks in downtown Seattle.  It was a lot of fun.  After we were done with joystick heaven, I proclaimed to my buddies “My wrist hasn’t been this sore since junior high.”  This line has been quoted ever since, and has been officially entered into the Witty Line Hall of Fame.  If all goes well, by reading this blog, you will be exposed to such high quality comedy.  It’s gold!  Gold, Jerry!

Now for my first random thought:

Is it really THAT difficult to put a shopping cart back?  Seriously, have you ever been so far away from a shopping cart stall and said to your self, “I’m beat after walking through that store.  I just can’t walk this empty cart with wheels the 20 feet necessary to put it out of harms way.”  Really?  If this is you, your car deserves to be the target of shopping cart derby.  I’m just sayin…

Read Full Post »